Page 3 of Bad Influence
Caroline
“I have never been moreembarrassed in my life than by the stunt you pulled today!”
My father paces behind the large desk in his office, his face thunderous. Janet, the housekeeper, found me as soon as I walked through the door and told me my father wanted to see me in his office. I barely sat down before he started his lecture.
“No one in this family has ever seen the inside of a police station and you were there forhoursbecause you were feeling rebellious,” he scoffs. “Tonight is the most important night for us, and you chose today of all days to lose your mind.”
His steps are silent on the Persian rug under our feet. When my mother was redecorating, she told the interior designer she wanted my father’s office to look like A Very Important Man worked in here, emphasis on man. The walls are covered in dark walnut paneling, the furniture is all leather and wood. It smells like cigars and leather in here, all the time.
It’s the only room in the house my brother and I were never allowed to enter, unless we were in trouble. You don’t get into more trouble than stabbing your fiancé in the ass.
“Do you have any idea what’s going to happen if this gets out and people find out? How are you going to sit across fromyour clients when they’re worried about you being emotional and volatile?”
I’m surprised this is the line he’s taking because the night he told me I was going to work at Sinclair & York, he also made a snide remark that it will only be until Beckett and I get pregnant. After that, it will be up to Beckett whether I continue working or not.
It’s another reminder that my life is dictated by what they want. My choices and happiness are secondary to my responsibility to this family. There was a time when I was willing to bend myself into whatever they wanted me to be just so they wouldn’t look at me like I’m a disappointment.
“I expect you to apologize to the Yorks tonight for your behavior,” my father says.
I finally focus on him and notice the harsh lines of his face. “What about Beckett’s behavior? Where is my apology?”
“Rest assured, I will be speaking to Beckett,” he says. Then, under his breath he adds, “In his office, of all places.”
“So, you’re going to talk to him about cheating on your daughter in another location where someone can’t walk in on him rather than the fact thathe’s cheating on your daughter?”
“Caroline!”
My mother walks into the office in the middle of my question and hears the tail end of it. On delicate heels, she walks to stand next to my father. They always look so perfect together. Both tall and proud, a haughty expression permanently on their faces.
“Don’t speak to your father that way,” my mother admonishes. “If he says he’s going to talk to Beckett, then he’s going to do it. What more can you expect? Beckett is a good man and you’re lucky he still wants to marry you after the way you’ve behaved. Don’t push it.”
I’m never going to get any support from them. My older brother is the only one who is missing from this tag team and I’m sure he’ll be on their side as well. He’s the golden boy. If he stabbed someone, they’d come up with the perfect defense forwhy he did it. If he got cheated on, they would sue the girl for emotional and financial damages.
“I suggest you go get ready for the gala,” my mother says. Her grey eyes shift over me and her lip curls a little in disgust. “The hair and make-up team are already here and they’ll need all the time they have to fix this.”
With that, she turns to my father, dismissing me entirely. Like I don’t matter.
Feigning a perfect smile is exhausting. My cheeks hurt from the effort. My heart hurts from pretending that it’s still in one piece when it’s been shattered to so many pieces, I’m not sure it can even be put together.
I spend the night next to Beckett, pretending I don’t want to throw up every time he touches me. My mother stands beside him, talking to him like nothing unusual happened today. Like everything is just the way it’s supposed to be.
She looks at him the way I used to wish she’d look at me. I’m her child, I deserve her love. Why is it a fight I’ve been losing my whole life? Sometimes, I wish I could leave. Just disappear in the middle of the night without telling anyone. But then I think of the disappointed looks on my parents’ faces. Wanting their love and approval has been the purpose of my life for so long. It’s become an addiction I can’t fight off.
“Caroline.”
At the sound of my name, I focus on the conversations around me. No one is looking at me or talking to me. I’m sure I heard my name. The back of my neck tingles and I look behind me, expecting to see someone looking at me.
Everyone is busy having a great time and no one is looking at me.
I can’t let go of the thought that someone called my name, and it sounded almost like--
“Caroline.” Someone touches my arm, and I turn around. Beckett is looking at me in question. “Are you okay?”
“I need to use the restroom. Excuse me.”
He leans toward me to kiss my cheek as he always does when I have to step away from his side. There was a time when I thought it was cute, until I started to realize it was a show like everything else.
I step away from him before his lips touch any part of me and I walk away before I see his frown. I weave my way through the crowd, smiling politely when people look at me. It’s becoming hard to breathe in this ballroom.
