Page 32 of The Blade in the Ashes
Elaina fell onto the edge of the small bed and extended her legs in front of her. She lifted her arms high above her head and stretched from side to side, releasing a slight whimper of happiness as she did.
I kept my attention on the task in front of me.
Elaina was quiet for a moment. “Camilla, you know there’s no one correct way to grieve. It’s more than okay for you to be as understanding of your own feelings as you are of others.”
A loud slam sounded as I brought my hand down on the mint leaves in front of me with a heavy slap, releasing their aroma with a bit more force than needed. I didn’t want to be having this conversation.
“How are you handling it?”
Terribly. Impossibly. Not at all and all at once.
What right did I have to feel any grief?
Lorelai died because ofme. I gave the order to kill Thea and anyone who got in the way at that party.
“You and Lorelai were friends too,” Elaina reminded me gently.
As if I needed a reminder. As if I didn’t spend every second of every minute of every hour of every day thinking about the way I killed my best friend.
Lorelai had been the only one who had known the truth about how awful my grandmother had been to me. She had let me spend my summers on her father’s estate when I couldn’t bear to go back to Hypatia Manor. She’d held me when I’d broken down sobbing and admitted what the Dragon had been doing to me.
And now Lorelai was gone.
“I feel the need to remind you that you should not hold yourself responsible for something aGoddessmanipulated you into doing.”
Elaina stood and pulled me towards her, running hands up and down my arm in comfort. The gesture sent a slight chill down my spine.
I wish it were as simple for me to see myself as she saw me. I wish I could look at my reflection with the same understanding and compassion that she had shown me every day since I’d met her.
“Thank you,” I whispered, meeting her amber eyes, unable to look away.
Her lips quirked into a smile, and I savored it. She was one of the few reasons I managed to get out of bed in the mornings. She was the only person who had shown me any kindness after what I had done.
Well, her and Thea.
Thea may not haveforgivenme, not necessarily, but in the days after Thea had helped me escape the castle prison, she’d seemed to understand a bit of what I had been through.
Maybe that was because Thea was the only other one who could truly understand how different the Gods were from the rest of us.
Thea knew better than anyone how powerful and manipulative they could be. She grasped how their magic could influence you without your having the slightest idea.
She even knew how much they could take from you.
They’d taken my friends and her powers.
“What’s wrong?” Elaina asked, running a hand along my cheek.
I shook my head, stepping aside. “I’m just worried about Thea.”
Elaina laughed. “You make it sound as if that’s a surprise to you.”
It was.
“We weren’t exactly friends,” I quipped. “Even without Pasnia’s influence, Thea and I would never have gotten close.”
Elaina’s lips pressed together as if she were suppressing a smile. “I actually think you two are more similar than you realize.”
My fingers stilled on the herbs in my hand, and I glanced up at her with a lifted brow.
