Page 159 of The Blade in the Ashes
“Iris!”
Ithrew myself down the staircase, bare feet slapping against the hardwood. Breathlessly, I shoved through the people milling about in the front foyer so that I could hurl myself through the main entryway onto the porch. Gasps and frowns followed me as I went, Clay assuring everyone that everything was alright as he followed only a few steps behind me. I could hear the grin in his voice.
I didn’t look for it though. Most days, I would crave to see his smile—those expressions were so far and few between—but in that particular moment, I was far too consumed with the approach of my best friend to think of anything else.
She and Nikolai rode together, the reins wrapped in her fingertips while his hands rested easily along the edges of her thighs. As they approached the house, Nikolai’s men began cheering, happily welcoming him home. He smiled and nodded at them, dipping to whisper something to Iris, who laughed, turning to smack him.
And when she turned back, she locked eyes with me.
Her jaw fell open, eyes scanning over me, and she yanked on her reins, pulling her horse to a sharp and sudden stop.
For a moment the world faded away as we stared at each other. She didn’t move, didn’t even seem to breathe, and neither did I. I waited for her reaction with my hands fisted at my sides.
Maybe she wasn’t happy to see me.
I’d betrayed her by freeing Camilla, after all.
Then I’d abandoned her by staying at the castle.
Maybe I’d lost her friendship once and for all. And Gods, the thought of that was agonizing. I wasn’t sure I could continue painting this brave face on each morning knowing that I’d lost her permanently.
The sound of my gulp echoed in my skull.
“It’s good to see you back in one piece.” Clay’s greeting, said from only a few feet behind me, landed in the tension between us, cracking whatever silent standoff we engaged in.
And then Iris was off her horse, arms pumping as she ran towards me, nearly tackling me in her rush to embrace me.
I released a desperate sort of breath, tears already springing to life in my eyes.
“You’re alright?” She demanded, pulling back to take my head in her hands and examine me more closely. “You’re okay?”
I nodded, feeling dampness spread in trails down my cheeks.“I’m okay. And you?”
Iris grinned, a toothy grin that radiated warmth and joy—andlove. “Yes, I’m okay too.”
She turned, glancing over her shoulder at Nikolai, who watched her with an intense kind of focus.
“We’re both okay,” she promised, clearing her throat somewhat awkwardly as she met my gaze once more.
And as quickly as that ice cold awkwardness between us had thawed, it returned once more. Her hands fell from my arms. I swallowed, watching as her tongue wet her lips and she took a careful step backward.
A chasm opened inside me as I stared at the movement of her feet. Over the past few months, I’d tolerated so much fear and pain that I couldn’t handle any more. That single step back from the woman whose friendship I cherished was more than I could handle.
And I realized I didn’twantto paint on a brave face anymore. I didn’t want to pretend I was okay when I wasn’t.
I wanted my friends to help me find my way again.
Without warning, I launched myself at her again, wrapping my arms around her frame and squeezing as I buried myself in the lilac curls of her hair. “I’m so sorry, Iris. I’m sorry for all of it. Inevermeant to hurt you. I just didn’t feel like I had any other choice.”
She stiffened under my grip for a time, and I felt her shift, looking towards Nikolai once more as my tears soaked through her tunic.
Clay cleared his throat, and even with my eyes squeezed painfully shut, I felt his approach—knew he was about to pull me away from her. He loved us both enough to allow me this final plea and to allow her to reject it.
But just as I felt his fingertips on my shoulder, she softened.
A sob worked through her, and her hand lifted against my back. “I know you didn’t, Thea.”
The sun behind her was blinding as I blinked my eyes open and pulled away enough to see her face once more.
