Page 129 of The Blade in the Ashes
She wrapped her arms around my neck when I returned to her, and didn’t protest when I lifted her and held her close. Her heartbeat pounded so strongly it reverberated through my own, and I tucked her closer to me, hoping the warmth of my overheated skin would calm her as she sagged and rested her head against my chest.
“Take me somewhere safe?” she begged.
I leaned down, kissing each of her eyes and the tip of her nose. “Nothing would make me happier.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Clay
Watching the healer set her broken bones and fuse her skin back together was a torture I hadn’t anticipated.
At first, she’d tried to keep her pain contained. She’d bitten down on that already bruised lip and let out tiny, hushed cries. Then, the healer had moved to the bones. Several of her ribs had broken. Healing them had been the first to rip screams out of her mouth.
When we’d moved on to her wrist, I’d almost stopped the entire process and insisted she needed to rest first.
The wrist had been the worst by far. Multiple breaks, all in different places. The healer frowned and avoided our gaze when she told us Thea had essentially shattered it. Then she’d explained that it would be impossible to return it to its original state. Throughout it all, Thea had stared ahead with an emotionless expression, taking it all in as if she had expected the healer to warn her that the wrist would ache for the rest of her life.
When it came time to heal it, Thea had just lifted her arm for the woman, sniffing as she prepared herself. The healer frowned, asked me to hold her still, and let her magic wash over Thea in a glowing rush. The wails were unlike anything I’d ever heard. Thea had screamed until her throat wentraw, and then hoarse gasps tore out of her. All the while, I’d rocked her and tried my hardest to keep her calm, hating that there wasn’t more I could do.
She had been uncomfortably quiet while she bathed afterwards, muttering a quick explanation about how she’d fled the castle with Nessira. Her voice had broken when she’d described the way her friend had died trying to protect her; then she’d buried her face in her hands and sobbed. All I’d been able to do then was run my hand up and down her back while the tears erupted out of her.
When she’d finally exhausted herself, she’d pulled on one of my shirts, slid under the dark, silken covers of my bed, and promptly fallen asleep curled against me.
Days passed in a haze. She slept sporadically, often waking abruptly from nightmares only to fall fitfully back to sleep moments later. Her body seemed to need an unreasonable amount of rest to recover from what she'd been through.
I, however, couldn't manage to bring myself to close my eyes. Irrational fear lingered in the darkest depths of my soul, terror that if I closed my eyes for even a minute when I opened them she would be gone again. So, for days I laid there next to her, allowing Elaina and Camilla to lead the compound so I could run my fingers through her silken hair and assure myself that she was, in fact, here.
The bruises were gone, but I still saw them every time I looked down at her. In the moments she woke and pulled me closer to her, I couldn't ignore the haunted look in her eyes.
I didn't think that would go away any time soon.
Eventually, when she was ready, I would ask her about what had happened in those months we’d spent apart. I would hold her against me just as I was now, and I would contain the emotions that threatened to tear me apart while I listened to her story.
No matter how hard that would be for me.
There had never been so much hatred festering inside me—hatred for those men and for Caldrius and Hyrax.
And so much hatred for myself becauseIhad left her in that castle in the first place.
This was not the same Thea I had left behind. This Thea had suffered beatings and trauma. Someone had taken the most precious thing in this realm and abused her.
And as much as I hated them for doing it to her, I hated myself more for failing to protect the one person who mattered to me more than any crown.
A lump formed in my throat, heaviness pressing down on my chest as I shifted, beginning to pull away. She woke in an instant, turning over to face me with a wild kind of desperation.
“Stay?” The word was rushed, needy. I wasn't positive she was even fully awake.
Brushing back her sleep-mussed hair, I tried to keep my expression neutral, tried not to let my concern show. “I’m only going to get you something to eat, love. I’ll be right back.”
She frowned, lowering her gaze. “I’m not hungry.”
I exhaled, shoulders slumping as she reached out to remove my hand from her hair.
She was so thin. I could see every bone protruding from her hand. She'd barely eaten more than a few bites of anything since I'd brought her here. One of the kitchen volunteers brought us three meals a day, but often took nearly a full meal back with her when she came to collect the plates. Her frowns were getting more and more pronounced each time she saw Thea's untouched meal.
I cleared my throat. “Did no one at the castle bother to notice that you stopped eating?”
Her gaze flicked up at mine through a curtain of thick lashes, that darkness still trapped inside her gaze. “I guess at some point I lost my appetite.”
