Page 179 of Shy Girls Can't Date Rockstars
“Before, when I said it was complicated, that was an understatement.” I sigh hard. “He likes me, Jill. I… I can’t bring myself to say it back.”
“Oh. Ouch.”
“I know.” I sigh again and feel it in my rib cage. “Jill?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for picking up.”
“No problem. I may have dropped my phone twice trying to answer it fast enough. But I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” The school bell rings in the background. “I’ve gotta go. I’ll text you.”
“Same here.”
After the phone call, I sit on the edge of my bed, thinking about every way my life has changed. I can’t help landing on the upturned puzzle pieces of my life. The past that had been hidden for so long.
I think of my mother and the letters. There was a tiredness in my mother’s handwriting when she wrote to Miranda. The way she’d said she couldn’t be in her life anymore. The way she’d loved Miranda anyway, and how that love had cost her something she never got back.
My mother was generous in a way I’ve never fully understood. She gave and gave, and then one day it caught up with her, and she had to choose. She chose the family she’d built over the one she’d been born into.
Now, here I am, alone after a boy said we could make it work. That he likes me.
The terrifying thing isn’t that he said it. The terrifying thing is that I believed him. But I’m sixteen and I’ve already lost everything. The last thing I can afford is to be wrong about a person.
My mother was wrong about Miranda for years before she finally accepted it.
I don’t have years.
I’m still sitting with that when there’s a knock on my door.
Soft. Two knuckles. Not urgent.
Maybe it’s Mrs. Hamilton? She could’ve gotten turned around and lost her way in the hallway of identical doors.
I cross the room, open the door, and my breath is stolen.
Ryder is in the hallway, hands in his pockets, and no excuse on his face. Just him, leaning against the doorframe as if he’s trying to take up all the space. At least, my space.
“You’re supposed to be at rehearsal,” I say, swallowing the surprise.
“Yeah.”
“Ryder, the showcase is tomorrow.”
“I know.”
“Chase and Brooks will be waiting.”
“I know.” He holds my gaze. “I’ll deal with it.”
I take him in and then step back from the door.
He comes in quietly, just past the threshold. He looks around the space with careful attention and lands on the music box on the desk.
“You should’ve left.” I sit on the edge of the bed and pull my knees up. “You’re going to be in so much trouble.”
“Probably.” He turns from the music box and looks at me. “Worth it.”
“Don’t say things like that.”
