Page 180 of Shy Girls Can't Date Rockstars
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t know what to do with you,” I say.
Ryder crosses to the chair at my desk and turns it around, sitting with his arms folded over the back. He doesn’t say anything for a moment. Just looks at me like he’s deciding where to start.
“Why did you really skip rehearsal?” I ask.
He keeps looking at me.
“Not the version where you say it’s worth it,” I say. “The real reason.”
Ryder taps on the back of the chair, taking his time before meeting my eyes again. “Because you said you don’t know if I make you better, and I couldn’t leave that just sitting there between us.” He pauses. “Chase and Brooks have each other. Miranda has everything under control. The showcase will happen whether I’m at one more rehearsal or not.” His voice drops. “But you were up here, and I put that look on your face, and I couldn’t leave.”
“What look?”
“The one you get when you’re pretending something didn’t hurt.” He meets my eyes. “I’ve been one of the people putting it there. I hate that.”
I try to loosen my facial muscles, but everything feels pinched.
“This morning,” he says, “in the sitting room, I asked if you still wanted to help me.”
I pick at a loose thread on my jeans to avoid looking at him.
“In a way, I’m still using you,” he admits. “I need you, Ally. I need you so much. But, maybe you’re right. Maybe you don’t need me at all.”
The admission does something to my heart. It’s like it’s made of paper and someone’s wadded it up, leaving it torn and frayed.
I look up and my vision of him blurs with tears. “I didn’t say I didn’t need you.”
He’s quick to move off the chair and stops short of me. In one fluid movement, he kneels in front of my space on the bed.
I sniff hard and wipe my eyes dry.
“Ally.”
“Ryder, you left me.”
His hands press against my knees. “I know, I’m sorry.”
I wipe my eyes again, and a sob breaks free. “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you.”
He moves onto the bed beside me, his hands cupping my shoulders. “I caused that. Ally, you lost the people closest to you. Of course, you have trust issues. I should’ve been more loyal.”
For the past few days, I’ve hated every ounce of loneliness I’ve felt.
I don’t want to be alone.
Without overthinking it, I fling my arms around Ryder’s neck and embrace him like he’s the only other human on the planet.
His hands are like anchors as they press against my back.
“I’ve missed you,” I whisper into his neck.
One of his hands strokes my hair. “I was such an idiot. I know I don’t deserve you.”
I grip the collar of his shirt as if he might disappear. “Meeting you has been the best part of moving here.”
He pulls back so he can see my face. “Really?”
