Page 93 of Equilibrium
Sometimes the demons weren’t the ones that tortured us. Sometimes they were the people we failed to save.
“Yeah, I’m coming.”
“Let’s get this shit over with.” He started walking toward Atlas, who stood at the entrance, waiting for the rest of us.
Felix was observing the street, always the one to make sure that we weren’t going to be ambushed. That we weren’t going to be fucked over.
“Felix?”
“I think I am going to stay here, with the bikes.” He didn’t turn to look at me but continued staring at the first house after you passed the church. “I don’t trust them, so I would rather keep an eye out here. The rest of our guys are waiting for a sign, and someone has to be able to signal it before they slaughter us all here.” He looked at me this time. “Again.”
We were all haunted by the things that happened here two years ago. Some more than the other ones, but no matter whom we lost, this excruciating pain was always there.
Felix, Atlas, Hunter, Indigo, and many more, they all lost somebody here.
“Felix,” I called to him as he started retreating toward his bike. “I appreciate this.” He was uncomfortable with words of gratitude. He was uncomfortable with praise.
He and Atlas were brothers, but if I wasn’t familiar with the fact, I would’ve never guessed. I’d never met two people so different.
While Atlas was loud and easy-going, Felix was a complete opposite. In our time together I didn’t think that he uttered more than several sentences to me. But he was a loyal soldier—always on the lookout, always thinking about the things that could go wrong.
I guess that when life throws you curveballs, you learn to live on the constant lookout for the next shit to happen.
Leaving him next to the bikes, I walked to Atlas and Indigo who stood side by side in front of the door. The tense lines were visible on their faces and whatever happened today was going to be a precipice for everything that was about to come.
My future with Ophelia.
The future of our club.
Every single thing.
“Alright,” I started. “Let’s get this shit over with.”
I took a step back.
Then two.
And then three until I hit the wall behind my back, sliding down to my knees.
My chest hurt. My fucking head hurt, and the tears I didn’t even know I possessed threatened to spill over after what I had heard.
He lied to me. Storm fucking lied to me.
When I came to the door of the office, it was already slightly open, but before I could knock, I could hear my name on Creed’s lips. They were discussing me, and worst of all, they were discussing my father. They were discussing Logan.
Was everything Storm ever told me a lie? Just another deceit, perfectly wrapped into a package I was supposed to accept?
I was right. All this time he was feeding me lies, and I almost believed him. I wanted to build a future with him when all he did was use me for his own gains. I fell for a man who didn’t really love me back. I fell for a man that was dealing with Logan Nightingale.
I can’t. I can’t go through this again.
Oh my God, this fucking hurt. This heavy feeling in my chest... I hated it. This feeling of helplessness, this dread spreading through my body.
And to think that I wanted to make this my home. I wanted to wake up to those green eyes. I wanted to have somebody in my life. I wanted to fucking trust him, and he ruined it.
He just did what every single person in my life did. He betrayed me.
He took my heart and smashed it into pieces. He fucked up just like the ones before him.
