Page 53 of Equilibrium
“And then what happened?”
The soft look he had while he caressed my face was immediately gone, and the mask he wore around other people was firmly put in place, hiding any and all emotions from me.
“That’s a story for another time.”
He bent down, gathering our pants, extending mine to me and starting to put his on. His body language was off, and a part of me hated that I even asked about it. I knew all about the memories that could destroy your whole day, your whole month. The memories that made me want to press the blade to my skin, just so that they would go away.
They made me want to get lost in the sweet oblivion only the white powder could provide, but then I would remember my mother and the faraway look she would always get when drugs hit her system, and I’d stop. I never wanted to be like any of them.
My father wanted me to be like him, and for a little while there, I wanted it to. I wanted him to be proud of me, to look at me as something more than a mere investment. I wanted to feel that love I only saw in movies or read in books. The type of love that Leanor Nightingale showered her kids with.
Speaking of… “Where’s Kieran’s mother now?”
She might not be my biggest fan and I wasn’t hers, but I didn’t want her to be harmed in this game of tug-of-war we were all playing. The innocent should be left alone. I knew that now.
“Taken care of.” That didn’t give me any relief. “Don’t worry about her.”
He was avoiding my eyes, which only pushed me to ask again.
“Storm?”
He turned abruptly; the angry glare directed at me a complete contrast to the soft look he was giving me just a minute ago. “It’s none of your business, Ophelia.”
None of my business? Did he really think I was gonna let him use me only for my body? Stupid fucking men. Stupid, stupid, stupid... Though, in this situation I didn’t know who was the bigger fool—me for thinking that men would allow me to step into their world and act like I was their equal, or him for thinking that I would be a complacent little girl.
They all thought I was something they could control when I wanted things completely opposite from that. That whole conversation we had earlier, those sweet little bullshit promises, they all fell into the water with just a few words.
How many times did my father utter the same words to me? How many times did Kieran behave like I was beneath him just because I was a girl? How many times would they underestimate me for me to say enough?
Well, this was enough.
“Take me back to the club.” My voice was stone cold as I uttered the words. If he wanted to play this game, he wasn’t going to win. I was the master in playing games, and I wasn’t going to go stupid just because he shoved his dick into my pussy, making me sing Hallelujah. No, that’s not how this was going to go.
He wanted me? Then he was going to have to prove that I wasn’t just another pussy warming his bed. Words meant nothing if there were no actions to support them. And for me, actions spoke louder than any other bullshit they were spewing my way.
Trust, respect, love, all of those had to be earned. Nothing would fall miraculously in your lap just because you wished for it. Just because you whispered sweet nothings in somebody’s ear didn’t mean they were yours. No, you had to fight for what you wanted to be yours, and he obviously thought I would just fall on my knees and suck his cock until the end of days.
He wanted to argue, I could see it on his face, but I was too tired to entertain the idea. Before he could even open his mouth, I was walking outside of the alley, heading toward where he parked the bike. I could hear the angry stomps of his feet behind me, but I didn’t turn around. If he was going to behave like a world-class asshole, he was going to be seeing only my back and nothing more.
I already had enough assholes in my life trying to dictate what I did and whom I did it with; he wasn’t going to be another one, even if it killed me not having him touch me.
My body was too happy to have his hands on me, but my mind and my heart waged a battle I wasn’t ready for. He was just a distraction. Yeah, that’s what all of this was. A way for me to run away from the fucked-up mess clattering inside my head. I always preferred shutting down the emotions coursing through my veins because they always messed with my mind.
The heart was such a fragile organ, and I would give anything just to get rid of it. Everything would be much easier if I really couldn’t feel anything. I tried shutting it all down, putting it into a nice little box, locked and sealed, but it wasn’t working right now.
I blamed him.
I took the helmet he left earlier and placed it on my head, fidgeting with the straps that were annoying the fuck out of me earlier. And just like earlier, I couldn’t adjust it myself.
“Suka.” Fucking shit. My ears buzzed from the pent-up energy and anger I was carrying around. My hands trembled because I knew I wouldn’t be able to put it on by myself, and the asshole to which I decided I wasn’t going to talk to was going to have to help me. I wanted to throw the fucking thing across the street, but I couldn’t draw attention to me.
Not that riding with the president of Sons of Hades wasn’t drawing attention already, but you know, small things. My father had ears and eyes everywhere, and as long as I was here, all of them were in danger.
I could feel his presence behind me, an energy zapping between us, but I didn’t turn around. I hated admitting it, but his words hurt something inside of me I thought I buried a long time ago. Which also meant I had another weakness I couldn’t afford.
Love is a weakness.
Friends are a weakness.
