Page 54 of Equilibrium
Emotions, both good and bad, were a motherfucking weakness, and this version of myself, this wasn’t me. This meek, complacent, quiet, anxious person, this wasn’t me.
I felt it before his hand even landed on my shoulder, and as soon as he made contact, I took a step forward, moving away from him. Anger rolled off of him in waves, but I didn’t give a fuck about the feelings of somebody that obviously wanted to just trap me.
No, his little plan could go and fuck itself. I wasn’t an animal to be caged. I wasn’t a damsel in distress to be saved. No, this bitch could save herself.
“Ophe—”
“Don’t even think about it.” I moved further away, almost stepping onto the street. Cars honked as they passed in front of me, earning a middle finger from me. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to shove it up their asses or maybe Storm’s.
Maybe he would like it?
A crash and a thunderous, “Motherfuck,” sounded behind me before the helmet I was still fidgeting with sailed off my head, flying down the street. I stood there, my mouth agape, looking between the spot where it landed and the asshole fuming next to me.
“Did you just—”
His hand wrapped around my arm, pulling me back to where his bike stood.
“What the fuck?”
“Get on the bike, Ophelia.”
“No,” erupted from me before I could even think about it. Not that I didn’t agree, but I didn’t exactly want to see the murderous expression on his face. His eye twitched, and the tempest in those green eyes held a promise of retribution if I didn’t do what he wanted.
I ripped my arm from him, taking a step back, glaring at him. Two could play this motherfucking game of who-is-angrier, and he was going to lose. Nothing ever pissed me off as much as somebody trying to control me and trying to downplay what I could do and who I was. I didn’t have enough middle fingers to show him how I really felt right now.
All those warm and fuzzy feelings he managed to evoke in me were gone, replaced by the bubbling anger that threatened to burn us both to the ground. This is why I avoided any kind of contact with other people.
Sex was just a transaction between two people—dick inside the pussy, both of you get to come, and that’s it. But this shit he was trying to plant in my head, he was trying to make me believe, this wouldn’t work. At least not for me.
“Get. On. The. Motherfucking. Bike,” he gritted through his teeth as I stood there, still as a statue. I wasn’t one of his little whores that would do everything, just because he said so.
If he wanted to have a girl that would askHow high?every time he saidJump, he was in the wrong fucking church. I don’t kneel for men. They fucking kneel for me.
I smiled at him, loving the way his chiseled jaw seemed to grind every single time I spoke, and now wasn’t any different. “Make me.”
That scarred eyebrow lifted, but I didn’t have enough time to react, because he was suddenly right in front of me, pressing his nose against mine. Small puffs of breath washed over my lips, and if I lifted my head higher, I would be able to press my lips to his.
But as he pushed me, I started pushing back. My hands found his throat, his unshaven stubble stabbing into my palms. His lashes lowered, shadowing the olive skin, waiting for my next step. I could kill him right now. Kill him and get away from here.
I could be free of him, and these sick feelings twisting my insides, but I couldn’t make myself do it. No matter what, he was already deep beneath my skin, hiding in my veins, taking a hold of my heart, and if I allowed him to sink deeper, I would need a fucking priest to exorcise him from my body.
His scent washed over me as I pressed against the tendons on his neck, earning a grunt from his mouth, but other than that, he didn’t move. He didn’t try to stop me. I could end all of this. I knew where to press, I knew what to do, but I couldn’t.
I didn’t even notice my lower lip trembling, not until he dragged his thumb over the soft skin.
“Baby,” he murmured, and my eyes closed involuntarily, hating the way that tiny little word made me feel. I didn’t want him. I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t... But as I opened my eyes and looked into his darkened green ones, I knew that as much as I didn’t want him, I needed him.
I needed him to calm the monsters that were quiet right now. I needed him to tell me everything was going to be okay. I couldn’t wage this war by myself anymore. I didn’t want him, but I needed everything he had to offer, even if I hated myself for it.
I was always self-sufficient, but this, this energy crackling between us, this is what I needed to have in my life. And until three days ago, I didn’t know how much I missed it. All these years, that part of me laid dormant, quiet, almost dead, and then he waltzed into my life—again—fucking up all my plans.
“Let’s go home, Phee.” His lips brushed against mine, and the murmur of people around us, the sounds of cars passing by, the memories I hated, they all disappeared, leaving only the two of us in this little bubble he was putting me into. One soft kiss, then another one, and instead of killing him, instead of suffocating the life out of him, I draped my hands around his neck, pulling him closer.
His hand disappeared into my hair, holding my head as his lips devoured mine. Our tongues danced together, but there was no fight for dominance like the last few times. This time he let me lead.
A whimper escaped my mouth as the heat pooled between my thighs, and I started grinding against him, feeling the outline of his hardened dick.
“We need to get going, babe,” he mumbled against my lips, slowing down when all I wanted was to continue what we were doing. “We can’t do this here, Phee.”
