Page 27 of Equilibrium
“You’re quiet,” he said, pulling me back from my thoughts.
I dared to lift my hand and trace the path from his temple to his lips. He was such a beautiful man. The way his eyes sparkled every time he looked at me, the way his lips pulled into a smile when he was around me, it did something to me.
But whatever I touched got destroyed. Lives, love, the only thing I was good at was death. And I didn’t want to destroy him.
“Just thinking.” Just thinking how this man could’ve been perfect for me, but not now. Maybe if my demons weren’t singing fucking Hallelujah in my ear. Maybe if I wasn’t falling apart because everything was catching up with me.
Wishful thinking, that’s what I’d been doing.
Just another fairy tale I was creating in my mind. Another “what if”, but it would never become reality. My reality was a bitter bitch, and perfect things never happened to me. I was alone in this world, and no matter how much I wanted to trust him, I couldn’t.
He opened the door with his elbow, pushing through, with me still in his arms.
I wanted to run again. I wanted to hide from him, because when those green orbs looked at me, I had a feeling that he could see right inside my soul. And it was dark there. It was where all the fucked-up things I ever did hid away from the rest of the world. It was where my darkest secrets resided and where they boiled until I couldn’t control them anymore. Like I couldn’t control my mind now. It was where the ghosts waited in the darkest corners for the perfect moment to strike.
And he couldn’t know. He couldn’t love a monster. Even if he could handle it, he couldn’t know because love is a weakness. Relying on another person was a weakness. Emotions, all of them, they were the tool of destruction. I couldn’t let him in.
I wouldn’t let him in.
“Come back, Ophelia.” I looked at him, and those inquisitive eyes bore into me, and I tried to lock it up. I had to lock it up, because he stripped me bare every time he looked at me.
I had to find a way to make it stop.
“I’m here,” I said. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“No, you definitely aren’t.” He stopped in the middle of the room, and I shook my legs, the boots dropping on the ground with a heavy thud. “You will never go anywhere, and if you pull the same shit you just pulled there, your ass will be so red, you won’t be able to sit for a week.”
“Don’t tease me with a good time.” I smirked at him, but the way he kept looking at me told me that he wasn’t joking. Didn’t he know that I loved pain?
I reveled in it because it was the only constant thing in my life.
Pain.
Grief.
Despair.
Three friends that followed me wherever I went.
The ticking in his jaw intensified, and in the next moment, he had me pressed against the wall, my chest against his, our lips mere inches from each other.
“You are a demon, Ophelia.” He bit my jaw, and I closed my eyes as the tiny little ripples traveled down my spine, all the way to my lower stomach. “A beautiful demon. A goddess, and I want to consume you. I want to keep you here forever.”
A brief kiss, and I crossed my ankles on his back, squeezing his waist. More, I needed so much more.
“If I touch your pussy, will you be wet for me?” Oh God. “Or will I have to kiss every inch of you, fuck you with my tongue, so that you will be able to take me in.”
This man wasn’t wasting any time.
I opened my eyes, looking directly into his, and this insane need intensified. I wanted him to own me. I wanted to be his, and maybe for tonight, just for one night, I could pretend.
I was good at pretending. I was good at playing games, and this was just another one of them.
I put my legs down, and he caged me between his arms, the muscles rippling under the strain he was holding himself in with. Tattoos of various colors traveled across each of them, peeking beneath the shirt he wore. I wanted to lick every single one of them, trace them and see where they ended up. I shimmied out of the sweatpants, I had put on earlier, the material pooling at my legs, and stepped out, waiting to see what he would do next.
His eyes traveled from my head to my chest, over my stomach, stopping at my thighs. He placed his forehead on mine, eyes closed, breathing faster than before, swallowing hard. I felt the same.
I felt the burning need inside, and I wanted him to take me. I needed to feel him inside. Tonight, I would allow myself to feel.
