Page 15 of Shamed
Jersey shuffles closer and reaches for my hand. “Everything is going to be okay. You’ll see. We’re here for you, and we’re not going anywhere.”
Staring into her warm-brown eyes, I want nothing more than for her to be right.
But what if she’s not?
CHAPTER FOUR
Jennifer
My heart hasn’t stopped pounding like an ominous bass beat since Marni and Jersey convinced me to go to this “small Halloween gathering” at their college friend’s apartment.
I had said no at first, having declined every form of socializing that wasn’t just the three of us for several monthsnow. But the look of disappointment and touch of annoyance on their faces had me feeling guilty enough to change my answer.
I’ve had four days to prepare since they asked me to come.
Four days to stress out.
Four days to convince myself that all will be fine.
Those four days did shit-all because the closer the Uber gets to our destination, the louder the beating in my chest gets, thumping in my ears just in case I can’t feel it against my ribs.
Sincethat night, I’ve become a public figure of both pity and scrutiny. It was never a question whether it actually happened, but whether I was at fault as well.
Parties have come into question, making them less frequent. Parents have become stricter, forcing kids to sneak around. And somehow, I’ve felt like I was to blame for it all. I’m sure others blame me, too, even my friends.
“I’m so happy you decided to come tonight.” Jersey bumps her bare knee against my denim-covered one. “It hasn’t been the same, you know? A duet doesn’t have the same ring to it as a trio.”
I smile at her, even as the guilt tries to flood my stomach. Honestly, I’m surprised they still want me around. I haven’t been very good company for the past five months. But either way, it’s nice to feel wanted.
I wish I could just move on and be normal again. I really do.
I cancelled the trips I had planned with them over the summer. I stopped hanging out with our usual group of friends. I stopped doing most things I used to love.
Tonight, though, I will fake it for them. “I’m glad I decided to come and get the trio back together.”
Her answering grin grows bigger, and she faces forward again.
“So, you know everyone who’s going to be there, right?”
“Yes,” Marni huffs, leaning forward to look at me past Jersey. Her eyes roll in what I’m sure she intended to be a playful way, but I can’t help noticing the irritation in her tone. “We already told you a million times.”
Twice.
“Sorry.” I face out the window again, quietly listening to “Shimmer” by Fuel on the Uber driver’s radio.
I’m trying not to wreck their night by burdening them with my issues. Jacob may be behind bars, but there are still others like him out there and I think that will forever be something I’m conscious of.
A moment later, fingers gently squeeze my thigh. “It’s okay. We won’t leave your side, anyway.”
I turn back to Jersey, her soft smile and friendly chocolate-colored eyes easing some of the tightness in my chest.
Her dark hair is much shorter now, barely reaching her shoulders, but the red tips are still there. I haven’t told her how much I hate those tips.
Marni’s hair has grown longer, like mine. But while hers was grown out purposefully, my length was due to neglect and not going to the hairdresser.
Straightening a non-existent crease in my jeans, I discreetly run my eyes over the costumes the girls are wearing; short skirts and tight, revealing tops are still their go-to outfits, so slutty nurse and slutty cat woman are perfect choices for them.
I, however, much prefer pants and looser fitting tops now—just one of the many changes over the past months—so a very lazy pirate outfit was my choice.
