Page 14 of Shamed
“Can we . . . talk about something else? Please?”
“Of course.” Jersey’s voice is soft. “What did—”
“Well, I can confirm about Seth’s dick,” Marni speaks at the same time.
“Marni!”
Jersey looks horrified for me, but Marni just widens her eyes. “What? She obviously wants a distraction. I gave her one.”
“Not one like that. I doubt she wants to hear about your exploits after what . . . happened.”
“It’s okay,” I tell Jersey, my voice almost monotone, the words a hollow permission. A fake reassurance that I’m fine. Everything is fine. Maybe if we focus on her sexual life, mine will fade into the background. I turn back to Marni and swallow. “So . . . you slept with him?”
Marni’s blonde hair swishes against her shoulders as she shakes her head. “Just a blowjob.”
Just a blowjob.In the past, I would have smiled or giggled or made some jokes. I’ve given a couple of blowjobs in the past and never minded it.
Now, I can’t seem to think about it without feeling sick. I guess I was wrong about the distraction.
Still, the focus is off me, and for that I’m grateful.
“An-and did you and Matt get together?” I ask, turning to my other friend.
Jersey shifts on the spot, her gaze looking everywhere but at me before she gives a short nod.
“That’s good,right?”
Pink tinges her cheeks, and considering she’s not one to get embarrassed over these things, I can only conclude that it’s because of what happened to me.
“Yeah, I guess.” She shrugs, but the sparkle in her eyes gives away her true feelings and tells me she’s more into him than she’s letting on.
I hate that she doesn’t feel comfortable talking to me about it, but then again, I probably wouldn’t have much to say right now, anyway.
Without warning, my door swings open again, this time my mother walks in with a tray of food, blonde hair that matches mine in a neat bun, wearing a stylish pant suit.
This is what she has done the past couple of days, though I’ve barely eaten what she’s brought in. Besides her never seeming to remember the foods I do and don’t like, I haven’t had much of an appetite.
“Oh, good, you girls are here. Maybe you can convince Jennifer to go out. She hasn’t listened to me.” She laughs lightly, as if there is no good reason for me to be staying home and withdrawing into myself.
My friends turn and smile at her. They know what she’s like.
“I think we’re just going to hang out here for now. Maybe watch a movie.” Jersey peeks at me over her shoulder. “Right?”
I nod, conveying as much gratefulness to her as I can through a look. “Yes.”
“Okay, well . . .” Mom sits on the other side of the bed and pats my leg through the blanket. “Things are going well with the case and everything’s moving quickly. That boy will get as much time behind bars as we can get.”
God, I don’t even want to know.
“Good,” Marni says, turning to me, her face serious. “He deserves it.”
Mom rises to her feet again, saying something to the girls as she walks to the door; meanwhile, my thoughts run in circles again.
I should feel grateful, relieved that he’ll be taken out of society. But all I want is for the whole situation to go away. Be gone, as if it never even happened.
“Jennifer?”
I blink a few times, my friend’s faces coming back into view. “What?”
