Page 149 of Shamed
God, they’re not going to believe me.
“At least Jacob is already out of prison,” I murmur quietly.
I meant it as a good thing, but the words start twisting in my mind, making my insides feel anything but positive about it.
Him being out of prison means he served the full sentence—barring a few months—and that’s a damn long time for someone innocent to be in there.
What must that have done to him?
It was all my fault. All of it, not just ruining Jacob’s life.
I feel the black tendrils creeping back into my psyche, like rot trying to spread.
How could I feel so high just moments ago, and now feel like I’m falling without a parachute?
I don’t want to go backwards. Idon’t.
“Hey.” My attention jerks back to the moment, Mase’s face coming back into focus, his hands cradling my cheeks. The tendrils start to recede. God, he’s so perfect. “Where’d you go?”
I blink a few more times, trying to squash the burning behind my eyes. “I was thinking about the mess I’ve made of everyone’s lives . . . including yours. I’m so sorry for wrecking your friendships with the guys.”
It’s something I’ve thought about a lot lately, and I would love to somehow fix it if I could.
Mase shakes his head, his eyes downcast. “I was already sabotaging those friendships myself. Acting like a dick, not letting them see the real me. I probably would have lost them, anyway.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I know I wasn’t close with them like they were with each other.”
“You could try to reach out, explain things to them once I move forward with trying to get Jacob’s name cleared,” I suggest hopefully.
“I don’t think so.”
My hopes fall to the floor. “Why not?”
“Well, even if I didn’t already burn those bridges, I don’t think this”—he looks between us—“situation would go down very well.”
“This situation?” My forehead scrunches. “What—”
It hits me suddenly like a splash of icy cold water to the face, and I shoot up to a sitting position.Thissituation. As in, him with me, the person who put their innocent friend behind bars.
Oh God. Of course it wouldn’t look good for Mase to be with me.
I twist to face him. “You should have your friends back, Mase. You shouldn’t give them up for me. You shouldn’t just forgive me for what I did. I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You didn’t ask me to,” he says, propping himself up on an elbow as I slide my legs over the side of the bed. “Where are you going?”
“It’s selfish of me to want to keep you.” A shiver runs through me as the cool air meets my bare skin, but I ignore it as I search the floor around the bed for some clothes from where I sit. “I’m sure if you told the guys why you reacted the way you did, they would understand.”
“Jayne.”
I find a single white sock and pull it on.
“Jayne.”
My pajama shorts from last night pop up next, but no underwear.
“Jayne.”
