Page 80 of Seal the Deal
“This isn’t like that,” Andrew tries to correct, guilt crashing around him.
Zach was one of their mutual high school friends, one of Andrew's first and only real crushes and the source of a great deal of his insecurity. All of which had been dredged up last year. Things might not have been so bad if Andrew had ever shared his feelings with Charlie—both his original crush or the heartache and shame after how Zach treated him. Instead, he’d buried it all until it’d come to the surface during their yearly Friendsgiving when Charlie had invited Zach, unaware of their true history. Zach ended up showing his real colors, and Eden had called out his acephobia.
Even all this time later, he holds onto some of the guilt for that night, for never having told Charlie the truth. He’d just wanted to protect Charlie’s friendship with Zach, and maybe his own heart, but in the end it’d caused a lot of ripples of heartache and pain.
“It is a little bit though, right?” Charlie smiles, but it’s a little sad and broken, and Andrew would flay himself a million times over to never, ever be the cause of Charlie's sadness again. This is wrong and it’s all Andrew’s fault. “There’s got to be a reason you didn’t tell me about Nicholas.”
“It’s not like that,” Andrew tries again, unsure how to explain what it is like. He told Eden out of necessity, knowing that with Eden’s trauma, their relationship might not survive the deceit.He has no doubt his and Charlie’s will. He and Charlie are solid. Nothing in the world could tear them apart, but it doesn’t stop Andrew from feeling like the scum of the earth for not telling him. Even if he knows it’s the right choice because Charlie is terrible with secrets, and he’d be betraying Nicki even more if he told Charlie because then Alec and Jason would know, and the odds of everyone knowing would be too high.
It’s not that Andrew doesn’t trust Charlie, it’s that he loves him enough to know keeping secrets isn’t something Charlie can do. It would hurt him, and Andrew would rather suffer that hurt a million times over himself than put that burden on his twin.
“I’m not mad. I mean, okay, I’m a little mad at you for not answering your phone earlier because that’s some bullshit.”
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t get to my phone.”
“I’m not even going to ask why,” Charlie says, “just know that whatever this is…I’m here for you, okay? I know I’m kind of bad at that sometimes, and I’m not the most serious, but if you found someone, if you’re happy, then I’m all in. I’ll try to like him even if he’s a fucking rich, jock asshole, which seriously, Annie? A jock. Ugh. I can’t believe we’re going to have a fucking hockey player in the family.”
“Family,” Andrew croaks. “Don’t get ahead of yourself.”
“Be so for real right now, Annie. You’ve never, ever brought a partner to meet us. If you are now, it’s got to be serious.”
“To be fair, I didn’t know any of you were going to be here,” Andrew points out.
“Ouch,” Charlie says, clutching his chest. “Annie, you wound me.”
“Shut up,” Andrew laughs, knocking his shoulder into Charlie’s.
It would be so easy to tell him the truth now. Of all his brothers, Charlie is the one who would understand.
“I’m so happy for you, Annie. I’ve been worried about you.”
“You what?”
“Worried,” Charlie repeats. “You’re always so tightly wound, and you’ve seemed—sad lately.”
“I’m not sad,” Andrew objects.
“Okay fine, then overstimulated? Deregulated?”
“Are you just listing all the big words you know?”
“Fuck you,” Charlie says, pinching Andrew like they’re thirteen and not thirty-two. “I’m serious. Look, whatever it is, we've been worried.”
“Who iswe?” Andrew interrupts with a sinking feeling.
“Me and Eden and Alec and Jason and Mom and Dad.”
“You all talked to Mom and Dad about me,” Andrew gapes.
“Yes, that tends to happen in a family. There’s this thing called a conversation. Speaking of which, they called from their trip and asked if they should fly home.”
“You better have said no,” Andrew groans.
The only thing worse than today’s family intervention would have been if both his parents had been here to meet Nicki, too. They’re supposed to be enjoying being half-retired, not worrying about Andrew’s bullshit.
“Of course I told them not to cut their trip short, but you should call them. Mom sounded beside herself about her baby and Dad, well—you know Dad. They’re worried.”
Fantastic, just what Andrew needs. More guilt. Maybe he should just walk straight into the ocean and not come back.
