Page 98 of Don't Leave Me Behind
“I know,” I groan. “I’m not even sure she’ll want me here when she wakes up.”
“Well, here’s to hoping then.” He winks. “Also, I think you’ll appreciate the fact that Pepper likes you, because Adlermight have hit on her one too many times, and the clothes she got him…well, you’ll see.”
Throwing back the ibuprofen, I swallow them dry, then follow Toby back to the waiting room. “They tried to tell us to leave,” Toby chuckles.
“We forcefully declined,” Pa says, coming up to wrap me in one of his famous bear hugs. Whenever Pa hugs me, I feel like that scrawny little kid that he saved. He pats me on the back a few times before pulling away to look at me. “You okay, son?”
“Good as I can be.”
He nods and moves back into the room, headed for the window where Ma is standing, looking out over the parking lot. Warm morning light is shining into the windows, and Ma has her head tilted toward it, like a sunflower in summer. Leni does the same thing on nice days. She did it that day on the lake. When we were all messing around on the boat, Leni was sitting near the front, eyes closed, head facing the sun.
I remember how my breath caught in my throat, seeing her like that. A fucking vision. So alive and at peace. I couldn’t help but go to her, like I’d been sucked into her gravity, helpless to the pull between us. I guess some things never change, because I’m right back in that same spot. Helplessly drawn to her, eager to borrow even a fraction of her light. Her peace.
I find myself a seat toward the back of the room. The perfect spot to witness whatever shenanigans go on, but not actually close enough to have to participate. Mercer is glued to his phone, shooting daggers at me. If he wasn’t putting out proverbial fires in the county, he’d probably come over for round two.
I can’t stifle the laugh that bursts out of my chest when Adler walks in with to-go bags from a fast food joint. He’s dressed head to toe in hot pink, and while Pepper might havethought she was pulling a pretty good prank, he’s owning the outfit like it was made for him. Because, of course, Adler can pull off pink. He looks like a human highlighter; it’s so bright.
Brooks drops into the chair next to me, tossing me a breakfast sandwich before rubbing his face with calloused hands.
“How are you?” he asks, staring at Ethan, who’s somehow juggling Tessa and eating. I mull over the question, wondering which answer he wants to hear.
How do I tell him that I feel like I’m bleeding out? That every second Leni spends unconscious, I feel like tiny pieces of my soul are being ripped away. I’m so scared I can barely breathe. That I’ve been holding my breath since we got here, or that I’m not sure if this is survivable. How do I tell him that my heart is lying in that hospital bed? That her life is on the line, because I am nothing, nothing without her. I’m about to give my standard bullshit response when Brooks lifts his hat, setting it on his knee, his hands pulling at the ends of his hair.
“I knew.” His voice comes out hoarse and thick with emotion. “I knew something else had happened. She came back a different person, Clay. You don’t change that much from someone stealing your bags. I was so focused on my shit with Kate that I didn’t dig in. Didn’t ask more questions. I just doubled down. My whole life felt out of control, so I tried to control hers instead. She was always so easy, so agreeable before. We never fought. She’d bend over backwards to take care of all of us, and I’m not saying that was right, but that’s how it was. When she came back, she was harder, more withdrawn. I thought if we could keep her here, we could draw her back out. But I pushed her away.” He can’t finish the sentence before his words are choked off.
Brooks isn’t the kind of man who will sit and cry in front of just anyone. Seeing him like this, the mirror to my utter agonyinside, I can finally take a tiny sip of air into my lungs. Finally, let a little bit of these walls crack, to feel everything I’ve been trying to lock into a neat little box in the corner of my mind. Because if Brooks Kane can cry about feeling guilty, then I sure as shit can too.
Chapter 32
I Need Clay
Leni
Everything hurts.My whole body feels like it’s on fire, and for a second, I think I’m still in my car, listening to the horn blare, unable to move my body at all. There’s a deep voice speaking in a familiar cadence, my hands heavy with the weight of being held.
It takes a minute before I can sort out the sound being Ethan’s voice. He’s talking to someone, Mercer, I think. Telling him about one of his cases, lots of legal jargon I don’t understand. There’s a stabbing pain in my head and chest. My ribs feel like they’re on fire, and all I can do is wonder where Clay is. Is he here? Did he come? Would he have left? Why isn’t he here now? I wish it were his hand in mine, glued to my bedside.
I must whimper, and the two go quiet around me. One hand squeezes mine tighter, while the brother on my other side leans forward and moves my bangs off my face.
“Hey, Leni girl.” Mercer’s voice is low and warm, softer than it was when I spoke to him on the phone that night. “Can you open your eyes, sweetheart?”
I want to shake my head. It hurts too much.
“Eleanor,” Ethan commands, using his lawyer voice on me. “Try.” That strong voice cracks a little, emotion clogging his throat. “Just try, please.”
I focus on taking little sips of air; anything more sends my lungs into a full-blown riot. When I finally peel my eyes open, I’m relieved to find the lights dimmed. Mercer and Ethan sigh in relief.
“There you are.” Mercer relaxes into the chair beside me. Ethan’s shoulders lose their tension. The scruff on his face is the longest I’ve seen since he went off to law school.
“How long?” I ask, noting that Mercer also has a few days’ worth of hair on his face.
“Three days,” Ethan croaks, kissing my knuckles. My other arm is in a cast. A brace around my neck makes it impossible to move my head and assess the rest of me.
“Where’s Clay?” The boys look at each other and choose to ignore me. A stone drops into my stomach with the words they’re not saying. He isn’t here. He didn’t come.
Ethan gets up and shouts down the hallway, “She’s awake!”
Adler flies around the corner, launching himself into the room. He runs past Ethan and nearly slams into the hospital bed. Eager eyes take me in, before he leans down and kisses my cheek.
