Page 10 of Don't Leave Me Behind
I chuckle, a dark twisted kind of sound coming from my chest. “I needyou?What the fuck is a high schooler going to do to help me?”
“Clay,” she whispers, tears glistening in her eyes.
I turn my back, shoving down the lump in my throat as my head begs me to take it back. To tell her, I don’t mean it. That I do need her. That she’s the only person I have ever needed. I’m too full of adrenaline; the image of her dead, lifeless eyes under my hands floods my mind.
“I’m not going,” her voice floats across the room. It’s hard and stubborn, the same voice Ma uses when she digs her heels in.
“Yes, you are!” I roar, whipping around to face her. The bag flies from my hand, slamming into the TV.
Green eyes widen, her pouty bottom lip trembling.
Rage fuels me. I saw my mom look at my dad that way. Scared. I’m scaring her, but I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know how to pull it back.
“You have to go.”
“No, Clay. You’re just scared.” Tiny feet walk toward me, her hand raising outward, like she’s approaching a scared horse.
“You don’t get it. I am not meant for you.”
“Please,” her voice wavers when she begs. Tears streaming down her face now.
“GET OUT!” I scream. Wood splinters as I haul the shitty wooden chair up and smash it into the wall.
Leni’s hands fly up, covering her ears, her body shaking. My fingers grip her elbow, spinning her around to flatten her back against the wall. Her eyes squeeze shut when she makes impact, a whoosh of air puffing into my face.
“I. Don’t. Want. You. Here.” I grit the words out through clenched teeth. Plaster dusts across her freckles when my fist finds the wall beside her head. Her eyes open, a cry loosening from her lips brings me back into my body.
“Leni,” I half sob, half beg. Stepping back from her, I stare at the broken chair, the hole in the wall, the way her body is shaking, eyes overflowing with tears. She gathers herthings, frantically shoving the rest into her backpack before she sprints toward the door. I reach for her, my brain freezes when she screams, green eyes full of terror.
My chest tightens, lungs stop functioning as I drop to my knees and watch her leave.
I don’t know how long I sat there, staring at the empty doorway. My lungs burned as a panic attack ripped through me, stealing all the air. My vision started to blacken, my body collapsing under the weight of it. I knew she’d leave eventually, like my mom did. Running from the shitty DNA stuffed into us, Traeger men. I wasn’t born inherently good or well-adjusted like the Kane siblings. I tried to tell her, tried to warn her, and still I’d chased away the one person I ever truly felt at home with. Scared her so bad she still flinches when I move near her.
I tried to call her the next day, when I woke up in a hospital bed, my CO was standing over me, shaking his head. She never answered. I learned pretty quickly that she got a new phone; I found hers smashed under the bed. She’d rushed out of there, in the middle of the night, without having a phone on her. I’m a bastard, and I will never deserve her.
I thought the family knew what happened, figured she called them to come get her. Now I’m questioning if she told them anything. They’ve never treated me any differently, never asked about that night. No one asked why I stopped sending her letters, no one except Mercer. He never lets me forget it. You’d think he would take more of the classic big brother stance, where they freak out if their best friend had a thing for their sister, but Mercer is a romantic at heart. He told me once that I looked at Leni the way his dad looks at his mom, and that had to mean she was my soulmate. That I was stupid for pushing her away like I did. He still thinks that, and every chance he gets, he brings her up in conversation.
Rubbing it in my face when she goes on dates, or who shedances with at the bar when she comes home for a visit. Telling me when she’s had bad days, when she calls him crying because she’s lonely. I’ve gotten daily updates on Leni for the past ten years, but she thinks Mercer wouldn’t bring her up. She has no idea her brother has been playing matchmaker for most of our lives.
I suck in deep lungfuls of air, shaking out fingers that ache from gripping the grill too tightly. I need to get my head screwed on and figure out how to survive the next week. Need to get her out of my brain, erase the memory of having her in my lap yesterday.
The way I sleep like the dead when I’m near her because she is safety for me. Leni is home and so fucking off limits. I can’t risk it, hurting, scaring, watching her leave me again. I wouldn’t survive it. Never mind the risk of losing her entire family. The only family I’ve ever known.
Fuck. I’m in such deep shit.
Pulling into the back parking lot of the county courthouse, I brace myself for a Mercer interrogation. He’s taken on the role of Sheriff a little too seriously, like having a badge gives him the right to snoop even harder into our lives. He’s the youngest sheriff in Halfor County’s history, but that’s not saying much considering the last one retired after working here for forty years. He was a decent sheriff, but a little forgetful there at the end.
No one local wanted to campaign, so the only name officially on the ballot when it came time for the election was some big-shot oil company CEO who wanted to play wild west. Ethan started a write-in campaign in Hillcreek, and it caught on pretty quickly throughout the county. One night, Mercer went to bed a ranch hand and woke up a sheriff. He had no idea that Ethan had even started the campaign. Mercer went to school forcriminal justice, but I didn’t think he had any desire to use his degree.
I swear, there’s nothing the Kane brothers can’t do. It’s a major part of their appeal. A mix of old and new money, they’re humble and some of the best people I’ve ever met. The whole town is in love with them, and I’m pretty lucky to be lumped in with them.
Scanning my key fob at the back door, I let myself into the Sheriff’s office. We’re tucked into the back of an old stone courthouse. Over the years, they added new additions, like the Halfor County Jail, housing up to thirty inmates at a time. It’s not much, but it’s bigger than the four cells they initially started with. One tiny courtroom on the third floor, and a handful of county employees with offices upstairs. During renovations, the previous sheriff said he liked the basement, so they came through the ancient sublevel and modernized things.
I walk past Mercer’s tiny office, not surprised when he jumps into the hallway to follow me with Ethan close behind him.
Ethan isn’t technically a county employee, but he is the unofficial town lawyer, and his office is upstairs. Most mornings, you can find him down here, shooting the shit with his brother, stealing our coffee and pastries, the bastard.
No one says anything as I make my way into the deputy’s room. It’s small for the amount of workstations crammed in here, but it does the job, I suppose. Taking a seat at one of the stations, I log into the computer, then sit back in my chair. I need someone else to start a conversation, so I don’t start talking about how gorgeous their sister is. That’ll just lead to them asking questions I’m not supposed to answer. Ethan leans against my desk, his broad chest giving his tailored suit a run for its money. He dresses like a big city lawyer, with fancy shoes.His dark brown hair always slicked back and shiny. Mercer, on the other hand, is a lot more rugged. His Sheriff’s uniform hangs off his torso like it’s made for someone twice his size, and he exclusively wears cowboy boots. His wavy hair tousled in an ‘I just took my hat off’ sort of way.
