Page 9 of Don't Leave Me Behind
I’m about to ask if she’s okay when I hear her mumbling, “Stupid fucking hat with the stupid fucking uniform.”
“You kiss your mama with that mouth?” I couldn't keep the cocky smirk off my face if I’d tried.
I never let myself really look at her before. Back when we were kids, four years felt too big an age gap to consider her as more than a friend.
I can’t seem to keep myself from looking now.Damn,she looks good. Long lean legs with curves in all the right places. I still haven’t seen her without a baggy top on, but something tells me it’s going to hurt when I do.
“Fuck off, Traeger! You’re late for work.”
I send her another wink before tipping my hat at her and making my way outside. Warm spring air brings me back tomyself. Teasing Leni like an older brother is one thing. Flirting with her, after I went out of my way to make sure, she never thought twice about me, feels cruel.
I need to get my shit together. Falling for Leni isn’t an option. It never was.
Chapter 4
Cute Little Traeger Babies
Clay
Lines on pavementblur as I make the twenty-minute drive to Hillcreek. I can’t stop thinking about Leni. My mind compares every little difference from the girl I knew at eighteen to the woman who crashed into my life last night. She is all woman now, the girl I once knew stuck in a past neither one of us wants to return to. Even the way she holds herself is different. There’s a guardedness to her that never used to be there. Before that night.
I bring my hand up, dragging it down my face when I catch a hint of lilacs and vanilla. Her scent calls back a memory so vivid; I have to stop on the side of the road.
I fly out of the driver’s seat, breath coming in ragged and painful as I try to think of anything but that night. My hands grip the grill guard of my pickup, knuckles turning white as I’m swallowed whole by the day that changed everything between us.
I findLeni standing outside the barracks, somehow there without any of her brothers. She snuck away, told her family she was with Miya, and crossed the country to see me.
I think my chest would swell with pride if I weren’t so damn worried about her family blaming me. She put herself in unnecessary danger, and for what? Me? A broken man who could never be right for her? I lay beside her in the hotel room, counting her breaths as they deepen with sleep.
Muted light filters from the street through dirty polyester curtains. The run-down motel was a practical choice on my part. Trying to make this visit as uncomfortable as possible for her, so she has no desire to stay. Or come back. It’s probably a giant waste of time, considering how stubborn each of the Kanes are.
Leni shifts in her sleep, her arm wrapping around my chest. Her head tucked into the crook of my shoulder. My chest expands as I take a deep inhale of her scent, trying to memorize it. I’m sending her home tomorrow, I have to. She doesn’t belong here; she belongs on the ranch. Finishing high school, going to college. Not piecing me back together.
Slowly, I feel myself starting to drift off, the usual barrage of gunfire and screaming replaced by her soft, quiet breathing.
“No!” I growl, backhanding the soldier beneath me. He’s not getting away this time. He’s going to die. I watch, detached from my body as my hands wrap around his throat, thumbs digging into his trachea, crushing his windpipe. Fingernails dig into my skin, drawing blood as he fights me off. I ignore the pain, pressing harder as his lips beg for reprieve, his eyes wide and full of fear. I blink, trying to clear my doubt. He will kill me if I don’t kill him. That’s how war works. The soldier before me gasps when my hands loosen a fraction. Enough to take a breath. I bear down on him again, fingers tightening their hold. I watch in horror as the soldier’s face shifts, and it’s no longer an enemy fighter, but Leni. Herlips turning blue beneath me, tears streaming from the corners of her eyes.
“Clay,” she rasps. I try to pull my hands back, but I’m stuck. My muscles locked, unable to release the hold I have on her. More tears stream down her face, her eyes pleading. No! Not this, not her.
“Clay.” I hear my name, like she’s speaking into my mind. It’s syrupy and muffled. Her mouth isn’t moving, her hands aren’t fighting me, and her eyes go dead beneath me.
“No!” I hear myself scream this time.
“Clay!” Warmth radiates on my cheeks, soft fingers brushing tears off my face.
“Leni,” I cry, unable to open my eyes, worried I’ll find a corpse beneath me.
“It’s okay,” the sweetest voice in the world whispers to me. “You’re okay, Clay. I’m here.”
“Leni. Leni. Leni,” I chant, choking between sobs that rack through my entire body. I killed her. I fucking killed her in my dream, and it felt real. The whole thing felt so fucking real.
I finally manage to open my eyes, hands gripping her face harder than I mean. Pulling her away from my chest so I can see her, I move her head left, then right, checking her neck for bruising. For any signs that the dream might not have been a dream.
She’s quiet, with gentle eyes, studying my face as she lets me assess her. Never once complaining about how rough I’m being. How insane I must seem to her right now.
“You have to go,” my voice cracks as I jump off the bed and start packing her bag.
“What? No. This is why I’m here. You need help, you need me.”
