Page 57 of Tap Left
I resist the urge to roll my eyes. “You mean Daire?”
He nods.
“Well, it isn’t for him,” I assure him. “I’m doing this for me.”
Julian stuffs his hands in his pockets and stares at the floor. “Look, Lola, I’m only saying this as your friend. I care about you, and I don’t want to see you get hurt, so please don’t get mad.”
I take a deep breath and hold it. “I won’t.”
“Whatever this thing is that’s going on between you and Daire isn’t really any of my business, but I want what’s best for you, and I know Ryan would too. Daire isn’t it.”
I really don’t feel like getting into this with him right now. I’m already irritable, and now he’s provoking my protective instincts. “Daire’s not a bad person. You wouldn’t be friends with him if he were a bad person.”
“I know he’s my friend. And I care about both of you, that’s why this is so hard. But no matter which way you slice it, Daire is an addict. And you are too sweet and caring to get wrapped up in something like that again.”
I swallow, and it feels like there’s glass in my throat. We both saw the truth last night, so there’s no point in arguing. Daire is still drinking. He probably always will be.
“He made you cry,” Julian continues. “I saw it, Lola. The way you looked when you came out of that bathroom, it was like you were broken.”
My eyes sting. “You don’t understand. He didn’t hurt me like that. It was just Daire being Daire. He gets into these moods and says mean things, you know that. But he always regrets it. He hates hurting anyone.”
My excuses probably sound weak, but I don’t care. I understand Daire in a way that Julian never could.
“An addict never means to hurt anyone, but they do. Over and over again.”
I hate that he keeps flinging that word around.
Addict.
There’s more to Daire than his addiction. There is so much more. And he might be an addict, but that doesn’t mean everyone should write him off entirely.
“You can’t save him, Lola.”
“I know that,” I snap. “Don’t you think I know that? I’m not stupid. While you’ve been off living your life, I’m the one who’s been here watching it all go down. I’m the one he called when he was drunk. I know I can’t save him because I’ve already tried.”
Julian’s eyes fill with shame. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t here.”
The fight inside of me flees in the presence of his sadness. “Don’t apologize. It’s your life to live. You deserve to be happy.”
“So do you, Lola.”
“I know. I’m a work in progress.”
A flush comes over Julian’s face, and I find myself wondering if he’s not feeling well.
“What if I were to make you an offer?” he asks. “One that could change things for you.”
“What do you mean?”
He hesitates, and things feel oddly strained between us. “Maybe there’s another option. Maybe there’s more than all of this for you, Lola.”
I get the gist we might be talking about two different things, but I answer anyway. “I guess it’s possible, but I think you’ve got it wrong, Julian. I’m happy with my life. There are just a few kinks that need working out.”
“Come to LA with me,” he blurts. “Come live with me and let me give you the life you’ve always deserved.”
21
Daire
