Page 82 of The Broken Elf King
“Lani…” My aunt’s voice was serious, the kind of serious tone she used when I was in trouble or she wanted to convey something with gravity.
I turned and looked at her in concern.
“He loves you. Don’t let him tell you any different,” she said.
Tears spilled over onto my cheeks at her assessment of Raife. I pulled my hand away from the door and walked back over to the bed.
“I know how a man looks at a woman when he’s in love. That man loves you,” she said with even more seriousness to her voice.
I thought I had been doing a good job of keeping my heartbreak over Raife silent, but I guessed not.
My stomach tied in knots. I wanted it to be true with every fiber of my being. “Even if that were true, he’s emotionally unavailable,” I said.
My aunt peered up at me from her place nestled in the bed. “Maybe you’ve made it too easy for him.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
My aunt shrugged innocently. “If it’s a fake marriage, then you should both be able to take a secret lover with no issue, right?”
My mouth popped open in shock—but then closed, opened again, and then closed. I didn’twantto take a lover and I believed she knew that. Was she saying that I should pretend to take one to make him jealous? That just seemed cruel.
“Sometimes men need to be afraid of losing something to realize they want it,” she said finally, and then closed her eyes as if that was that.
Her words had thrown my entire being into a frenzy. But she was right. I was being too soft with him, available when he wanted, shutting down when he wanted.
Screw that!
It was time to shit or get off the pot, as they liked to say in Nightfall. If Raife didn’t want a sexual relationship with me, then we should take lovers. Did we really both expect to be celibate for the next five years?
I left the infirmary with the two guards that Raife had assigned to me and made it back to the palace in record time. It was well past dinner so I didn’t expect to see him in the dining room, and was pleased when I found him standing by the bookshelf in our room, selecting a book to read.
When I walked in, he turned. “Hey, how’s your au—?”
I pushed him against the bookshelf and claimed his mouth in a fiery kiss. It was angry, and forceful and…hot. It lit the core of my being on fire. But I needed to remain in control here. I had a plan. He growled the second my lips hit his and parted them, stroking his tongue against mine. When he did, I sucked his tongue and caused him to moan so loud I was sure the guards at the door heard it. When I had him right where I wanted him, I pulled back and met his hooded steely gaze.
“Raife, I’m a woman,” I breathed against his mouth, “I haveneeds, and I understand if you can’t or won’t meet them, but they need to be met.” I pulled away then, taking two full steps back. “This is all fake anyway, right?”
There was a fire in his eyes, but he stayed silent.
“You clearly have had an arrangement in the past with that women Dara I saw visit your bedroom. I will make the same type of arrangement. We can live out the next five years of this fake marriage, at least not being totally miserable and sexually frustrated.”
He swallowed hard, his chest heaving.
I had zero intention of taking a lover but I wanted to test whether or not we were truly just friends. Was I crazy? Were the feelings of love and adoration coming from him for me? I just didn’t know anymore.
“You’re unhappy,” he said, with more sadness in his voice than I anticipated.
“I’m unsatisfied,” I corrected, and stepped closer to him.
Another hard swallow.
“It’s up to you how you want to play this, Raife.” I kissed his cheek. “Goodnight. Have a safe trip to Embergate,” I whispered in his ear, and then brushed past him, walking into the washroom with my heart beating on the floor at his feet.
That was by far the bravest thing I’d ever done. I couldn’t stop the frantic beating of my heart throughout my entire bath. So when I finally had the guts to leave the washroom, I prayed he was in our bed, ready to accept what this really was. Ready to make me and my aunt not crazy. Ready to love me.
But when I saw the lights were off and the bed was made, my stomach dropped. On the couch was Raife’s slow-breathing form.
I bared my soul to him and he fell asleep.
