Page 83 of The Broken Elf King
If that wasn’t the most depressing thing in the world, I didn’t know what was.
It was a long time before I drifted off.
* * *
The next morningI woke up and peered across the room at the couch. The sheets were folded and stacked at the end of the cushion with the pillow on top. Did he leave for Embergate without saying goodbye?
It was then that I noticed the note next to my pillow, on his side of the bed, and my stomach tightened.
Lani,
You are one of the most beautiful women I have ever met. You’re incredibly kind and you might even be smarter than me.
I stopped readingfor a moment and pressed the letter to my chest, grinning up at the ceiling. It was a love letter. A love letter before he left. I would cherish it always. I pulled the parchment from my chest and read the next line, my heart plummeting into my stomach.
But I can’t giveyou the life you want, the life you deserve. I won’t lie, I do care about you, I am deeply attracted to you, but I told you when we started this not to fall in love with me. I’m dead inside and I can’t love you back. It’s just another thing Zaphira took from me. I’m paralyzed, afraid to care for anyone too deeply in the fear that I will have to watch them die. Some people have scars on the outside, mine are on the inside. They are invisible, so they are easy for others to forget. So you will have to settle for a deep and respectful friendship with me.
The tears fellonto the parchment and my vision blurred, making it impossible to read further. A body-numbing grief spread through my entire being as I realized I had truly and fully fallen in love with him. Now I had to let him go. I blinked rapidly and read the last bit of the letter.
I just wantyou to be happy. Your mere presence makes me happy, and ruling beside you these next five years will be my absolute pleasure. Thank you for doing this for me, for getting the council to approve my war so I can get the revenge my family deserves and heal that part of my soul that feels like it bleeds every day.
I heard you last night.It killed me but I heard you. If you want to take a lover to satisfy your needs…
Okay.
-Raife
The sobsthat ripped from my throat sounded animalistic. Raw agony tore through my chest, and I was afraid to look down for fear that my heart might actually be lying on the bed in a bloody mangled mess. As awful as the letter was, it was everything I needed to hear. I wanted the truth and I got it. He called me beautiful, sweet, and smart. He admitted he cared and was sexually attracted to me. He praised our friendship and told me to do what it took to be happy. It was a sweet and respectful letter and itkilledme. What Zaphira did to him killed me. She robbed him of true love. She took from him a normal life and scarred up his insides so that he wouldn’t even allow himself to love. I hated her for it and I wanted her dead.
I started to think up wild assassination plots then. Poison was impossible because she kept her food so well guarded and had half a dozen tasters. She once didn’t eat for four days when she suspected the dragon king might have sent poison in retaliation for killing his betrothed. Instead, he killed her favorite son.
I was fuming mad, tearing across the room to get ready for the day with the grumpiest, most heartbroken feelings slamming around my body. I hoped Raife wasn’t still here. If I saw him, I would burst into tears and then hug him. I couldn’t be mad at him; he spoke his truth and I accepted that. I accepted being his friend. And I wouldn’t take a lover. I never wanted one in the first place. I wanted him.
By the time I dressed and covered my red puffy eyes, it was late morning. The dining hall was empty but for Mrs. Tirth waiting with my food.
“Sorry. I slept in,” I told her, and my gaze flicked to Raife’s empty chair.
She looked at me compassionately. “He left before the sun even came up. Been gone for several hours.”
I nodded, unable to help the tears that lined my eyes. Mrs. Tirth pretended not to notice when I blinked them away, and set my food in front of me. “Thank you,” I murmured.
She dipped her chin. “The king requested that you sit in on his meetings for him while he is away and take notes. Here is your schedule for the day.” She handed me a parchment and I relaxed a little. I was a busybody, needing something to keep my mind active, and right now I was so heartbroken that this was exactly what I needed to take my thoughts off of things.
I glanced at the parchment, mentally preparing.
Farming meeting.
Winter Ball planning.
Bow Men meeting.
Council meeting.
Infirmary rounds.
All in all, it was a light day.
With that, I finished my breakfast quickly and stepped into my farmers’ meeting.
