Page 56 of In Her Own Way
“What?” Victoria glanced at her GPS to make sure she was still on the correct route home.
“She told me to be the most masculine masc I could be. Wear men’s clothes, manspread, curse, spit, whatever. She said that me claiming to actuallybea man was ridiculous and kind of mental. That was the word she used.”
“She called you ‘mental?’”
“Yeah, and then she said she didn’t sign up to be with a man and kicked me out. I had nowhere to go, so my mother took me back in. When I told my mom, she kind of said the same thing as Jasmyne. So, I thought if they think I’m mental, then I’ll find a therapist who can help me navigate all this. But honestly, I don’t know if this therapist, I mean she’s good, I guess, but maybe she’s just telling me what I want to hear.”
In the past, Victoria hadn’t been much of a touchy, let ‘s-share-our-feelings person, but lately she found herself wanting to help people. Well, she’d kind of done that as a security person in the schools she’d worked in. And she was sharing so much with Juicy_Babe, a woman she didn’t even know, except her new avatar was so friggin’ sexy that Victoria almost lost her mind when she saw that enticing cleavage.
“It’s hard to trust now,” she said to Tillman. “I get it. I don’t know much about transgender stuff, but I’m ready to learn and help you in any way I can. I mean, I know a few trans women and knew one trans guy a long time ago, but never really understood their respective journeys.”
“That’s more than anyone’s given me,” Tillman said, picking at a loose thread on his jeans. “My older sister might be cool, but I’m afraid to tell anyone else.”
“I’m actively thinking of you as a guy now,” Victoria said. “I’ve only known you for a few weeks, so it shouldn’t be too hard. My brain is making the switch now.”
Tillman laughed. It was a high-pitched girly laugh.
“Are you on testosterone yet?”
“Not yet,” Tillman said. “My therapist said there were certain steps, the first of which was to tell some people close to me. And so far it’s sucked. Mom didn’t believe me and wished I would shut up. My girlfriend left me, and my best friend ostracized me in front of all those people in a place I thought was safe. What kind of friend does that? And because she deemed me laughable, all those frigging sheep will follow her lead.”
“That sucks.”
“It does. Lauren knew for a while. I mean, she raised her eyebrows when I told her, but she kept my confidence. She seems cool with it. She’s a kind person, you know. Sorry it didn’t work out with you and her. I mean, her partner works a lot, but maybe they can reconnect now.”
“Now that I’ve led Lauren down the debauched path into BDSM, you mean?”
Tillman laughed. “No, she was already on that path. She knew Jasmyne and I dabbled and she would ask me questions sometimes.”
“Safer that way, I guess.”
“My therapist says telling my sister is next. I told her about telling you, and she was encouraged for me.”
“Excellent.”
“And soon, not quite yet, she wants me to live as a guy for a long while. Fully commit. Men’s clothes, men’s restrooms, and everything.”
“Have you picked a name yet?”
“Brian.”
Victoria nodded. “Makes sense. Once Brianna, now Brian. You get to keep your same initials, too.”
“Right? Because of all the monogrammed shit I have at home?” He laughed so hard that Victoria recognized it for what it was. Tension release.
“We have this amazing menswear shop back home,” Victoria said. “Robert is a genius. He would understand your needs and would fix you up right.”
“You do that a lot, you know,” Tillman said.
“What’s that?”
“Refer to the place you used to live as ‘back home.’”
“Pfft,” Victoria said, covering the realization that Tillman was right. “I lived there a long time, I guess.”
“Do you miss it?”
“Yes,” came the quick answer. Too quick. “I mean, I can’t go back, and before you ask why, I’ll tell you.”
