Page 57 of In Her Own Way
So out came the story about Victoria’s callous and insensitive relationship with Bernadette. “It was brief. Only like ten days, but my head was so full of exploring that new kink, that I didn’t realize how far I’d overstepped.” She blew out a long sigh. “I thought that shit was safe to give her.”
“Sounds like you needed to get that off your chest, Vic.”
“Yeah, maybe. I mean, the woman is fine now. Everyone says so. She’s married and seems happy.”
“So, what’s the problem?”
“Me. I’m the problem. How could I do that to someone in my care? I didn’t ask her permission. I just did it.” She groaned. “I’m so big on safe sex and safe practices. I dote on women, give them what they need before getting my own needs met. I look back and wonder who the fuck that was giving ‘supplements’to a woman without really knowing what was in them. Me, apparently. It was me, and I can’t make it make sense.”
Tillman offered some friendly advice, including talking to Bernadette again, but Victoria didn’t know what to do with that suggestion. She basically told Tillman she’d marinate on the ideas. To change the subject, she asked, “So when do you set up another store?” Tillman had an interesting job setting up new locations for those Linen Works stores. She supervised a crew that cleaned the new space, installed fixtures, set up aisles, and performed a variety of other tasks. Victoria wasn’t exactly sure what all she did, but she basically took an empty commercial space and got it ready for all the Linen Works inventory to come in and get shelved. She traveled all around the country doing this work.
“I actually have one coming up in a couple of weeks,” Tillman said. “You should join. It’s fairly close. The company pays for the hotels we stay in, and we get a daily food stipend. It’s in Springfield.
“Illinois?”
“Yeah.”
Victoria wondered how close that was to her father’s prison. He didn’t want her there, though. “Thanks, but I have a job.”
“It’s cool,” Tillman said. “If you change your mind, I’ll get you on the crew.”
A bit later, Victoria pulled up to Tillman’s mother’s house. Victoria said, “Tell your sister. Without your mother around. In person.”
“I will. Soon.”
“No,” Victoria said and locked eyes with Tillman. “The word ‘soon’ is a cop out. Get that done within the next week.”
“Whoa, I can see that Domme persona in you.” He chuckled. “Okay, Ma’am. Yes, Ma’am. I’ll text Gabbie tonight.”
“Thanks for the help today, Brian. Even though nothing panned out.”
Brian teared up, and Victoria knew why. It was the first time anyone had called him by his new name.
They said their goodbyes, and Victoria headed straight for the Indy Coffee House since she didn’t have to be at work for another couple of hours. The place wasn’t as cozy or comforting as Rikki’s, but it had become a place to get away for a while and think. Now that Erin and Robby were engaged, she wanted to give them their space. Hence, the ramped-up apartment hunting.
She got her black coffee, turned down an unappetizing Danish, and sat in what had become her usual corner in the shop.
Victoria pulled out her phone, loaded upKinks, and purposefully and with intent scoured Juicy_Babe’s homepage again. The new avatar pic was so sexy that Victoria’s lascivious thoughts were getting the better of her. She scanned Juicy_Babe’s likes and dislikes. They lined up with her own for the most part. Ahh, she liked literature, reading, and going to plays. That’s how she knew all those Frankenstein references. Victoria took one last look at Juicy_Babe’s sexy cleavage and clicked on the messages icon. Yay. There was one from her. Seeing that she had a message from her was like the feeling she had as a kid on the way to get ice cream.
“She wants to know how I’m doing,” Victoria mumbled to herself. She had so many thoughts swirling around in her brain that she had a hard time answering the question. Before answering, though, she had to get her thoughts in order about Tillman. What an uphill journey he was embarking on. Victoria wondered about her own physical presentation. She was masculine forward, but with feminine undertones. Was she transgender? What did that even mean? Rowena said Victoriawas genderfluid, but she wasn’t sure if that was right either. Did that mean she could float between current societal definitions of masculine and feminine at a whim? Victoria had submissives in the past who called her “Ma’am,” while others called her “Sir.” Even Bernadette had called her Sir. Did that mean she was male?
“No,” Victoria said out loud.I’m not a man. I’ve never thought I was a guy. But she had never fit into society’s constructed gender roles or expectations. She was just Victoria or Vic.
“Ahh, right there,” Victoria said out loud.Which is it? Can’t I be both?She groaned. Maybe she was genderfluid inside and the external expression of that fluctuated depending on her mood. Did that make her non-binary?
She looked up the term non-binary and scoffed. “I do fall outside the traditional notions of gender.” In her best caveman voice, she said, “Must be man or woman. Not both. Not neither.” She scoffed. “Fuck that noise. I’m just me.”
Maybe the group would have some thoughts on all this. And maybe a certain Juicy_Babe would contribute as well.
She clicked on the button to create a new topic.
Topic:Gender
Question:(2 parts) How do you define gender? And how do you go about supporting a transgender person?
She posted the topic and took a sip of coffee as she thought about how to answer her own questions. She saw movement on the screen. Oh, wow. Someone already responded. Was it Juicy_Babe? No, it was that new person.
Yes_Ma’am:Gender’s on a spectrum. Cis women can be femme, masc, or anything in between.Transgender stuff…I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.
