Page 91 of Friends That Heal Us
“What’s there to be scared of?”
“Because I can’t bear to lose you if this doesn’t work out.”
“You’re not going to lose me if it doesn’t work out. I will still be here for you. Haven’t I shown you that?”
“Yes, but it’s hard to open myself up to anyone after everything.”
My chest aches hearing that because I hate how one idiot has made her question me. This conversation took a completely different turn I didn’t expect. “I’m not just anyone, and I thought out of everyone you would know that. Has any of this been real for you?”
She nods.
“Then when were you planning on telling me all this?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady. “Because you’ve been playing house with me for a while.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“Then what have you been doing? Because the way I saw it, I thought you wanted to be with me.”
“I just…I just need more time to make this decision.” She hangs her head low.
I swallow hard, my throat burning. “Do you ever see us going anywhere?”
“I don’t know.”
That hits harder than I expected. The words land in my chest like a punch. Should I have seen this coming? I knew there was a chance of her not wanting us. Were my hopes too high?
I lean back in my chair, sinking into it, and drag my hand through my hair because I don’t know what else to do with myself. I’ve tried to be patient, and I believe I have been, but hearing her say she doesn’t know twists more confusion in me than I expected.
If she’s not ready, that’s okay. I can respect that. I can give her space. But I don’t think I can keep living here, pretending we’re something she’s not even sure she wants. I can’t keep doing this halfway thing, not when it’s wearing me down more than I realized.
“I thought you did. But now it doesn’t seem like it. I know I said I would give you time, and I’m not rushing you. I thought it would only make sense to move both of us out of this house given who you shared it with. But I can’t continue to stay in this house you shared with another man. I’ve done it long enough. I just can’t live here anymore. Even for your sake, you shouldn’t stay here either. We both need a fresh start.”
Her eyes widen instantly, and her mouth parts slightly. She shifts in her seat, looking away from me.
I wait for her to say something…anything. But she sits there in front of me speechless.
“I love you, Vi.” My voice cracks.
Why is this so hard to say?
“But if you don’t see us going anywhere as more than just friends, I can’t sit here and pretend with you.” I reach out and gently take her hand. “I know you’re scared, and I know what you’ve been through doesn’t make it any easier, and maybe in the future when all this settles, something will all work out.”
Fuck, this hurts worse than finding out Rya slept with my best friend. My chest and stomach feel twisted just thinking about the memories of us. The memories we shared recently. It’s everything I ever wanted. I thought I could handle rejection, but this rejection hurts.
I take a deep breath. “I will always keep my promise and always be there for you. You’re still my best friend, and nothing will come between that. But I can’t do this anymore. Whatever this is. I think it’s best I move out.”
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
EZRA
Wakingup today without seeing Violet in the morning was hard. I don’t know what broke my heart more—breaking things off with her and leaving or her sitting there saying nothing. I packed up all my belongings, which was hardly anything, and went to my parents’ house.
I love my parents, but being back in my childhood room as a grown adult hits differently. I almost feel like I hit rock bottom. There is something hard about returning to your parents’ house after not living with them for so long. And at my age, it’s not what I expected. Last night I pulled up apartments for rent. But nowadays rent is just as much as a mortgage, so then I looked for houses for sale. I have been wanting to buy my own house, but Rya never wanted to.
My parents hovered all night, making sure I was okay. I told them that Vi and I are taking a break. Not even sure if that was the right word for what this is. But I didn’t go into detail because, to be honest, I wouldn’t have been able to answer their questions because I didn’t really get answers to my questions either.
“Hey, Ez, do you hear that?” James asks, walking into the office.
I look up from my computer. “Hear what?”
