Page 90 of Friends That Heal Us
She slips off her shoes, glancing over at me. “Oh, I ate with the girls at the bakery. Sorry.”
“That’s okay. Nothing to be sorry for. I can eat the leftovers for lunch tomorrow.”
I watch her for a moment while she walks further into the house, sets down her things, and avoids my gaze like she’s done so much recently.
“Can we talk?” I ask.
“Sure,” she says as she takes a seat at the kitchen table and starts sorting through her mail.
I slide into a chair next to her, fidgeting with my hands. “So I’ve been looking at places.”
She freezes, leaving an envelope half open. She looks up at me and meets my eyes—something she hasn’t done in a while.
“But I want to see where you stand with things so we can look at places together.”
A nervous knot tightens in my stomach waiting to hear her thoughts. The pulsing thud in my ears is the only sound I hear, and it sounds louder than expected.
“I don’t know,” she mumbles.
I blink at her, trying to piece together what she means.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” I ask, softening my tone, and trying to keep it all together.
“I just don’t know what I want.” She shrugs as if this conversation is something small.
“What!” I say, my shock causing me to raise my voice louder than I intended. I take a deep breath and lower my voice. “You don’t know what you want?”
I can see the questions in her eyes, as if my confusion and shock are hard for her to read.
“You don’t know what you want in what way?” I repeat, leaning in a little.
“Like with the house and everything.”
My head jerks back in disbelief. Even though I knew there was a chance that she didn’t want this, hearing it hits me hard. “I don’t understand, Vi.”
“What do you mean you don’t understand?”
“When you say everything, what do you mean by that?”
“Just everything. The house. My life.”
I drag my hand down my face. I went into this conversation thinking she would lean more toward us. But now…it doesn’t sound like it.
“Since when have you been questioning it?”
“I’ve always been confused.” She looks away from me as if she’s ashamed of telling me this. “I…”
“Wait.” I put my hand up to stop her from going on any further. “Are you confused about us?” I ask as my stomach sinks.
She mumbles a response, and I can’t make out what she’s even saying.
I shake my head, unable to understand any of this. “None of this is making sense, Vi.”
“I’m scared, okay,” she blurts out quickly, catching me off guard.
“Scared of what?”
“Us.”
