Page 90 of How (Not) to Conjure a Boyfriend
“I…” he whispers. “No! I didn’t mean—”
He stops as I stare back, my face stricken in faux anger while my heart breaks into a thousand pieces over and over again. It’s like a hammer crashing against a spike, impaling my hardened heart again and again, but still I hold the truth inside.
“I j-just… I thought you should know. He doesn’t want to hurt you, but he doesn’t know how to tell you. I’m… He’s scared, Mack,” Zachary tries. “And I don’t want you getting hurt either.”
“Stop calling me that!” I yell. “No one calls me Mack.”
His eyes are full of confusion, entrenched in sadness. And is that…a tear? No, Zach. Don’t do this to me. I clamp my jaw. I want to wipe it away, but I’m the cause. It’s my words that have put him in this place. My arms start to tremble. It’s just a name. Why did I have to react like that?
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” Zachary’s eyes drop away with his words, drifting somewhere along the sidewalk.
I break my gaze as well. I can’t continue.
“Yeah, I-I’m sorry,” he says again and turns around.
“Zach,” I call after him. I want him to stop. I want to confess everything to him and tell him not to leave. To stay here with me, but I can’t.
“Yeah?” He stops.
“I… Nothing,” I snap.
What the hell is wrong with me? My body starts to quake. If I don’t get out of here soon, he’s going to see me break down, and I’m not letting that happen. I refuse. Without another word, I sprint down the sidewalk and jump in my car without looking back.
My head drops to the steering wheel, and I fall apart. Floods burst from my eyes, dripping on the wheel while my hands squeeze it tight. I try to shake it, but it’s me that gets yanked around as I scream and strangle the steering wheel.
“Why?!” I yell between sobs and the flashes of Zachary’s face.
The dim glow of my flashlight on his cheek in an empty and abandoned home. The campfire reflecting in his eyes. The way his dimples moved when he smiled during my story. Sweaty, playing basketball. The way his steel eyes fluttered shut as he moved in to kiss me in the near pitch dark. The burst of life that he gave me. The flame I just dumped a barrel of water on.
“What the hell is wrong with me?”
26
The last time I was here, Hayden sat across from me, not Kaitlynn. That was probably the final time too.
“I finally got Lola and Moira to tie the knot!” Kaitlynn blurts excitedly.
“Who?” I ask.
I know those names. I don’t know why I know them, but I do. Who was she trying to get married off?
“Lola and Moira, my Sims,” she says.
“Oh! I had no idea who you were talking about,” I tell her as it clicks. She’s had them going since last year, when I got her hooked on the game. I haven’t played in weeks, due to other stressful events.
“I’ve been trying to get them to get married for months, but they never would!” Kaitlynn complains. “They’ve been living in the same house for like half a year. They even upgraded to a bigger one.”
In my defense, I’m tired and distracted. We closed the store down half an hour ago and came to Hammy’s Diner for a quick snack. AKA Kaitlynn is trying to keep me from thinking about the Marcus brothers. It’s sort of helped. I haven’t spoken to Zachary since Monday at the nail salon. Still, my mind keeps flipping between how any of that was his business and why did I have to lie to him…again?
I’ve only texted Hayden a few times since, and he’s said nothing about it. Not a thing. I’m also discovering he’s a real shitty texter. The more I overthink it, the more I think Zachary was telling the truth. The more I think it wasn’t just about us, even if part of me also hopes it was. Zachary might not be ableto see it, but this is eating me alive too. I didn’t mean for any of this to be, it just is. Right? Gods. Maybe not. I mean it’s not that simple. I made choices. It’s not like someone pushed me into it. I was just too weak to make the right ones. I shouldn’t be mad at Zach. Shit. It’s not his fault.
“That’s cool.” I zone back into reality. “I need to get back to mine. It’s been forever. Chase is probably still being a hoe as always.”
“No better life.” Kaitlynn grins.
“Eh.” I shrug. “Maybe.”
“Have you been doing something I don’t know about?” Kaitlynn asks.
