Page 89 of How (Not) to Conjure a Boyfriend
“Maybe,” she says, and we get up and head for the door. “I’ll have to see how tired I am.”
“You work at a coffee shop. How tired could you get?” I ask.
“Eh,” Kaitlynn says, and follows me outside. She stops and laughs, but she’s not looking at me.
I turn around and Zachary’s getting out of his car. Seriously? What is that important?
“Well…” Kaitlynn smacks her lips. “I would stay and see what’s about to happen, but I have to work.”
“Of course you do,” I say, and before I can complain more, she’s at her car, swinging around, and waving.
“See you tonight, maybe,” she yells and then slings her voice toward Zachary. “Hey, Zach. Bye, Zach.”
“Bye, Kaitlynn,” Zach yells over the car roofs, and steps onto the curb a foot or two in front of me. “And hello, Mack.”
“Hey.” I try a fake grin, but I’m smiling before I can do anything about it.
“So. I just needed to talk to you. Text didn’t seem best,” he says.
“Okay.” I string out the O sound. That seems suspicious.
Zachary twists from side to side, twiddling his fingers together. He doesn’t seem able to look me in the eye. Oh no! No, Zach! Don’t bring the haunted house back up. I donotneed to talk about the kiss. I can’t. We can’t! I’m about to blurt it when he finally smiles, all nerves, and speaks.
“I don’t know how exactly to say this, but I think you should know,” Zachary says. My nerves prick at the edge of my skin, sending my invisible arm hairs into high alert.Just stop.“Hayden’s having a hard time with…this.”
“This?” My head bounces back reflexively. What?
“You and him. Uh… Apparently there was, uh…someone else he remembers. He didn’t give me details, but…i-it’s another guy, but he can’t remember you two…” He stops and scratches the back of his neck, and his mouth twitches. “You know…dating.”
My teeth grind together harder with each word coming from Zachary’s mouth.Someone else.I’m in so much trouble.
“He’s trying to trust the doctor and you, and us, but he’s confused. He really doesn’t want to hurt you.”
Hurt me? But I…I’m the one who…
My mind sputters out of control like some car on its last makeshift trip. He doesn’t want to hurt me? I’m the one who needs to come clean, but he’s worrying that he might hurtme? But he knows it’s not real, or at least he’s catching on. Wait! Or is he? Gods, this just feels worse and worse every single day.
“I, uh…” I don’t know what to say, but why? My eyes fix on Zachary. “Why areyoutelling me this?”
“Because you should know, right?” he says.
“Isn’t that Hayden’s decision to make?” I angle my chin up at him. “Did he tell you to talk to me?”
“No…” Zachary swallows. “But if you’re not—”
“If I’m not what?” I interrupt with a bite in my words.
“Uh…I don’t want to press, but if you weren’t really dating him before, you can tell me.” He bows his head, and I swear his body flinches.
Does he really think that again, or is it something else?I’m notsits at the tip of my tongue. It’s ready to spew out, but I hold it back. I want this to be done, but if it’s done, how does it all end? Hayden. Zachary. Mr. and Mrs. Marcus. Holly. Eliza and Catina. Gramps and Kiki. Super Old Gran. Surely they’ll hate me. I know what I should do, but I can’t do it. Instead, I lock my knees in place and go on the offensive.
“This is about us, isn’t it? We kissed. Yeah! I know. It doesn’t mean I like you, Zachary!” I lie, and part of me somewhere deep inside shatters with each word. I hurts, but how can I be honest with him right now? “It didn’t mean anything. You don’t have to go trying to ruin what Hayden and I have!”
My heart is breaking. I can feel what’s left of it throbbing like it’s about to rise up my throat and scream for him to hold me. But I can’t allow that because I’ve gone too far. Instead I’m leftclamping my jaw tightly to hold back the sob building in my lungs.
“But…that’s not it!” Zachary’s eyes morph from realization to fear.
“Is it not? You want us to break up!” I raise my voice. I blame him. All to keep myself from breaking in front of him, but my voice still starts to shake. “You think that’s going to win me over?”
