Page 8 of Stage Dive: Short Stories & Novellas
“The head is crowning,” said Dr.Garcia.“That’s it, Anne.You’re doing great.”
“Everyone is here for you.They can’t wait to meet your baby.”Lizzy smiled.Dark circles sat beneath her eyes.Fair enough considering we’d been at the hospital trying to bring this baby into the world for approximately seventy-two years and counting.Or that’s what it felt like.
“It hurts.Oh man, it hurts so bad.”Woe was me.“Wait.Who is humming the tune fromRocky?”
Mal pursed his lips.“Sorry.Just trying to be supportive.”
“New rules.”I pushed a strand of sweat-damp hair back off my face, focusing on the matter at hand.“No tapping out drumbeats on my belly while I’m in labor.”
“I was saying welcome in Morse code.”
“It’s a baby, Mal,” said Liz.“Pretty sure they don’t come into existence already knowing Morse code.”
“Since any child of mine, and of my awesome and right now particularly beautiful wife, is bound to be a prodigy, I don’t think we can rule anything out at this point.”Liz glared at him, and his shoulders sagged in an exaggerated fashion.“Fine.”
“No snapping selfies that include me when I’m in the middle of a contraction and posting them to Instagram.”
“I’m just so proud of you, and you know how much my two-point-one-million-more-than-Jimmy-has followers love you.Well…apart from a few of them.The more overly possessive, slightly fucking strange ones.”
“No photos, Mal.”
“All right, Pumpkin,” he said in a resigned tone.“Though in my defense, I did tell the documentary crew they couldn’t come in.”
“You did one thing right.Yes.”
At this, he high-fived himself.“Is that all the rules?”
“No humming inspirational movie themes during labor,” suggested Lizzy.
“And that,” I agreed.
He scratched his stubbly chin.“But what about the love theme from theTitanic?”
“They die.No.”
“How about we skip movies entirely and just go for ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’?Pretty sure I could hit the high notes.”
“Mal…”
“Some Nirvana, maybe?”
I said nothing.
“Fine.”He looked to heaven.“Whatever.But you’re sucking all the fun out of this.I thought we could all have a little nitrous oxide, kick back and relax.But no, you had to make this labor all about you.Way to share, Anne.You’re setting the baby a great example.”
Give me strength.“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say any of that because I don’t even have the energy to threaten to kill you, let alone hit you with something right now.How the hell do people do this more than once?”
Lizzy shrugged.“No idea.You won’t see me rushing back for another anytime soon, and Lena said she’s done.”
“See how you feel once you’ve got your baby in your arms,” said the midwife, Gaylin.She was nice.Having had children of their own, both her, Lizzy, and Dr.Garcia understood my pain.
Mal did not.“I thought we’d settled on three?”
“Then you figure out a way to carry and birth them,” I snapped.Being in extreme pain while you lay half-naked with your nether regions exposed to the world and your feet up in stirrups does not tend to put you in a great mood.Funny that.
“Yes, Pumpkin.”
Liz snickered.“Good answer.”
