Page 141 of Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal
“You know, I think I’ll head to the bathroom while you take care of... that...”
Without looking back, I grab my bag of clothes and run to the bathroom, fear consuming me that Cole is right behind me, ready for murder.
“Well, I haven’t seen you around much,” Bob Krampus says as I spot him on his way to his house in Ornament Park.
“Hey, Santa,” I say with a wave. When in public and Bob is dressed in his red suit, like he is now, we’re to always address him as Santa. “Yeah, I’ve been sort of busy.”
“Word on the street is you’ve been pursuing Dwight’s niece. Is this true?”
Hands in my pockets, I nod. “Yeah. Dwight is not fond of the idea.”
“So I’ve heard. Martha and Mae filled me in when they came to talk to me about the situation over there. Odd that you want to date someone who wants to put your family out of business.”
“Yeah, that’s not the case anymore,” I say. “She’s coming up with a new idea, and she’ll present it to Dwight when he gets back.”
“Oh really?”
“Yup. She’s a smart woman, but that’s her information to tell, not mine.”
“A good man, I see. Looking past the differences and still finding good in her.”
I shrug. “She’s a good match. She’s quirky and goofy like me. She’s also beautiful, and it’s really easy to talk to her, even if we’re both rambling.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear it.” Bob claps me on the shoulder. “I’ve been waiting for you to find someone. Thought maybe you were waiting for Cole to find love first, since you’re so protective of him.”
“Nah, I think I was just waiting for the right one to come along.”
“Think she’s the right one?”
“I think shecan bethe right one,” I say. “We’ll see. Kind of have to jump the hurdle that’s Dwight.”
“Yes.” Bob strokes his beard. “What is the feud between the two of you?”
“I honestly don’t know. But I found out the source of the animosity comes from something that I didn’t do, but he’s convinced I did.”
“What is it?”
I shift on my feet and look to see if Betty is headed my way, and when I don’t see her, I say, “He claims I took his ornament off the town tree after he’d made a wish to help save Jessica from her cancer.”
“Oh dear,” Bob says with a shake of his head. “I remember when Jessica was sick. Just a terrible thing. I didn’t know about the ornament though.”
“Neither did I until I was blamed for it. Anyway, I need to find a way to bridge that gap with Dwight, because I really like Betty, and if I want any shot with her, then I need to figure out a way to get along with him.”
“Yes, you do. And while you’re at it, maybe encourage him to be more of a friend to the town. He seems to isolate himself, and it’s one of the reasons why I think he lost the Christmas Kringle competition last year.”
“Umm, the reason he lost was because I was superior at everything.”
Bob lets out a hearty laugh. “Yes, and humble too.” He looks to his side. “Oh, your lady friend is approaching. Here.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a container of spearmint Tic Tacs. “Have a few.”
“Oh shit, does my breath stink?” I hold my hand out, and he plops three into my hand.
“No, but it’s nice to be minty fresh.” He points at me. “Don’t spoil your dinner with those.”
“I won’t.”
He clasps me on the shoulder one more time and then takes off. I turn toward Betty and watch her approach in her camel-colored coat, looking so fucking beautiful with her hair down and curled at the ends.
“Hey.” She places her hand on my chest and stands on her toes so she can kiss me briefly. “Did Santa tell you if you’re on the nice list?”
