Page 64 of So This Is War
I run my tongue over my teeth, my mind whirling.
“Do you want to talk about what’s going on in your head? Because I can see you thinking over there, and I don’t want you to spiral.”
“It just sucks,” I say, my throat growing tight. “He’s never trusted me to make smart decisions for my life. He’s always controlled me. What school I went to. What I majored in. The people I hung out with. And now this. It’s just him tightening his grasp on me, and I’m done. I don’t want to be his puppet anymore. The leading player in his game.”
“Then don’t be.”
I shake my head. “I’m not going to.” I pull my legs into my chest. “And here I thought Levi was feeling bad about the things he was making me do. I thought I saw a shred of doubt in his eyes.”
“Maybe you did. Maybe he’s not fully in on this plan. I mean, the email does seem pretty threatening. Maybe he didn’t have a choice.”
“There’s always a choice,” I say as I hug my knees and work my jaw to the side, a thought coming into my head.
Sandie notices. “What’s the evil look on your face for?”
“There’s no evil look.”
“Uh, yeah, there is. You went from sad to conniving in seconds.”
“I was just thinking, if they can play, why can’t I?”
“Oh boy, what do you mean by that?”
I sit up taller. “Well, I don’t want to give this up. This place to live, this job, because it is money and gives me the opportunity to do what I want to do. I will admit that it’s a pretty decent setup so I can get my feet on the ground and get myself established. But what if . . . what if I had fun with it?”
“Like get the wrong bagels?”
“That, but so much more.” Excitement pulses through me as an idea formulates in my head. “There’s chemistry between Levi and me. It’s obvious from the way I catch him checking me out and blatantly obvious from the night we first met. Also, he’s told me he finds me incredibly attractive, so what if I use that to my advantage to torture him?”
“Oh dear God,” Sandie says as I snatch the email from her.
“Look, right here at the bottom, it says, don’t fuck her. My dad distinctly warned Levi against such behavior, so what if I make it impossible for him not to fuck me?”
Sandie rubs her temples. “You know, I think we could go a different direction. I think we could have a constructive conversation with your father and then with Levi and let them know you’re disappointed in both of them.”
I shake my head. “No, they want to battle? Well, this is war now. My dad wants to teach me a lesson? Well, I’m going toteach him one. That lesson being don’t mess with me.” Feeling empowered, I continue, “I’m going to prove to him that despite his negativity and lack of belief in me, I can make a career out of what brings me joy. And Levi, well, he’s going to learn the hard way that I’m not one to mess with either. He’s going to learn very quickly what he’s missing out on by helping my dad.”
Sandie slowly nods. “And you’re not up for a conversation?”
“Sure, is that the adult thing to do? Probably, but what will it actually accomplish? I tried having a conversation with my dad before all of this, and this is where we ended up. It’s not going to do anything. I have to show him with action.”
“And Posey?” she asks.
“He made me get bagels at one in the morning, two nights in a row, and didn’t even eat them. Payback is a bitch.”
She shrugs. “Yeah, that sucks. What exactly does payback entail?”
“Erotic torture,” I say, staring at the wall.
She laughs. “I think that’s a first I’ve heard for payback. Erotic torture, okay, tell me what that entails.”
“Ohhh, I don’t think you’re ready for this,” I say, feeling slightly crazed.
“I’m ready,” she says, rubbing her hands together. “Lay it on me.”
Leaning forward, I paint her a picture. “Erotic torture is the apex of blue ball-ism.”
“Did you make up that word?”
