Page 164 of The Way I Hate Him
Hattie:In case you missed me tonight.
Hayes:Fuck, Hattie, you can’t do shit like that.
Hattie:Oh . . . was it weird?
Hayes:No, it was hot, and now I wish you were here.
Hattie:I wish I was too. Currently, Chewy Charles is gnawing at my feet and starting to getaggressive.
Hayes:Who’s Chewy Charles?
Hattie:Mac’s horse stuffy. According to Mac, he likes eating mold, and my toes are full of mold. Still trying to decide how I feel about that.
Hayes:Moldy toes, huh? Thank God I don’t have a foot fetish.
Hattie:Lucky you. Do you have any fetishes?
Hayes:Not really. I am sort of a boob guy, though.
Hattie:Ooof, sorry I can’t help you out in that department.
Hayes:What are you talking about? Your tits are perfect.
Hattie:They’re an A cup.
Hayes:I don’t care. They’re sexy as shit. Tight, little nipples that are super responsive. Perfect for me to play with. Hell, I’m getting hard just thinking about them.
Hattie:Really? I’ve never been a fan of my boobs.
Hayes:Well, baby, I’m their number one fan.
Hattie:That’s the third time you’ve called me baby.
Hayes:Better not have a problem with it.
Hattie:I don’t. Matt was never into terms of endearment.
Hayes:Was he into anything?
Hattie:Big boobs, which I didn’t have. He also really liked it when I’d pinch his scrotum.
Hayes:Wait? Really?
Hattie:No. LOL. But I wouldn’t put it past him if he developed a love for that. He was always weird in bed.
Hayes:Sometimes weird isn’t bad.
Hattie:This weird was bad. Like I said, he took forever to find my clit. He was adventurous but not in a good way.
Hayes:Explain.
Hattie:Like doing it in the bathtub. It would result in us sliding around everywhere, water sloshing onto the floor. He’d come, and I’d be left to clean up the mess.
Hayes:What a douche.
Hattie:Yeah, and I thought I was going to marry him.
Hayes:Fuck, that’s depressing. Imagine what your life would be like with the guy who likes his scrotum pinched.
