Page 216 of The Way I Hate Him
“On my birthday,” I say just as a sob passes my lips.
“That motherfucker,” Aubree says, rising from the bed and heading toward the door.
“Wait, Aubree,” I call out before she can leave. “Don’t.”
“You don’t even know what I’m going to do.”
“I know you’re going to do something to him, and I don’t want you to.”
“Damn right I’m going to do something to him. If Ryland doesn’t take care of this, then I fucking will.”
“Please don’t,” I say. “Please.”
“Hattie, he broke up with you on your birthday. How can I just sit by and allow that to happen?”
“It’s not worth our time.” I wipe my eyes. “He’s not worth our time.”
She grumbles something under her breath and then comes back to the bed. “Well, here’s the deal. Either tell me what happened or I’ll find out from him.”
I love how protective Aubree is, but her bedside manner is a little rough. Cassidy would have been softer, probably would have climbed under the covers with me and held me. Aubree is ready to draw the kitchen knives from the drawer and take care of business.
Knowing I don’t want her over there, and she will go over there if I don’t tell her what’s going on, I sit up in bed and prop my pillow against the headboard. “We were having a good day.” I wipe my eyes. “He, uh . . . he told me he loved me.”
“Wait.” Aubree squeezes her eyes shut as she tries to make sense of what I just told her. “He told you he loved you, but then broke up with you? How does that make sense?”
“I believed him that he loves me. I still believe that’s the truth, but then, when we thought our dinner arrived, it was actually his mom at the front door.”
“Oh shit,” Aubree says as if she already knows.
“He made me leave because he didn’t want me to hear what she had to say. I went back to my place, and he said he’d come and get me. I waited and waited, and when he finally arrived, I knew something was off. That’s when he said he was breaking up with me, that he couldn’t trust anyone in his life not to break him. And he took off.”
Aubree slowly nods, and I can tell by her dampened anger that this is making all the sense in the world to her. Too bad for me, I’m still confused.
“I didn’t want him to be alone because I felt like he was spiraling from his visit with his mom, so I went to his place, and that’s where I found him sitting outside in the rain. I could tell he was hurting, and I tried my best to get through to him, but then . . .” I feel my throat grow tight again, and my lips tremble. “That’s when he told me that he couldn’t possibly trust me if my own sister didn’t trust me to take care of her responsibilities.”
Aubree winces. “Shit, Hattie. I’m sorry.”
“I told him to fuck off, and I came back here. I haven’t heard from him, and I haven’t reached out.” I glance away, and before she can reply, I say, “And the worst part of it is that he was right. My own sister couldn’t trust me.”
“Hattie, that’s not true.”
“It isn’t?” My voice rises. “How can you say that when she gave you the store, the most important thing we had together? How come she gave you all letters and wrote me nothing? You know I searched her room from top to bottom, wondering if it was lost? It wasn’t. She just didn’t leave anything for me. Which means what Hayes said is true. She didn’t trust me.”
“He’s not right,” Aubree says while placing her hand on my knee. “Honestly, I don’t know why she didn’t leave you a letter. I asked the lawyer when he gave us ours. He said he never received one.” A lonely tear cascades down my cheek. “But the shop, that’s because you were still in college.”
“Fuck college,” I yell, more tears coming. “I’m so over college. I should have never attempted to earn my master’s in the first place. It was stupid. I was trying to be impressive and learn more about business to help Cassidy, but I should have stayed home and learned through real-life experience. I would have been able to spend more time with Cassidy, and I would have been able to convince her that I was trustworthy enough.”
“You are trustworthy, Hattie.”
I shake my head. “Clearly, I’m not. The man who loves me can’t trust me. My sister can’t trust me. I don’t even think I trust myself at this point.” I wipe at my eyes. “And all of this has just made me realize how lost I am. Like what was I thinking? Moving from one relationship to the next while I’m still trying to mourn my sister? I’m making shitty choices, Aubree, and it’s showing because this?” I gesture to the small apartment. “This is rock bottom. The only reason you’re even listening to me is probably because you feel like you can’t leave out of common decency, but I know that being here, watching me cry is your worst nightmare.”
“Enough,” she says.
“You wouldn’t even have dinner with me.”
“I said enough,” Aubree says louder, startling me to shut my mouth. She takes a deep breath and looks me in the eyes. “The reason I haven’t hung out with you too much is because you’re the spitting image of Cassidy, and it’s startling. Sometimes when I see you, I feel like she’s back, and yes, that’s on me, but it’s hard. I shouldn’t have associated you with Cassidy like that, and I’m sorry. But don’t you ever, and I mean ever, think that I’d never be there for you. You are my sister, Hattie, my blood, and no matter what, you are a priority to me. This conversation right here, it’s a priority.”
And just like that, I feel more tears rise to the surface and crest over my eyelids.
