Page 217 of The Way I Hate Him
“And of course you’re going to feel lost, Hattie. That’s a natural reaction to losing a big part of your life. It won’t be fixed overnight. It will take time, but just because it takes time doesn’t mean you need to put your life on hold. Working with Hayes and finding a bond with him was good for you. It gave you an escape, someone to rely on other than me and Ryland, a separation from the family so you didn’t get even more lost.”
“But he crushed me.”
“I know,” she says on a sigh. “And I’m not going to sit here and defend him because what he said to you is inexcusable and false. She trusted you, Hattie. She loved you dearly, so much that she didn’t want to distract you from what you were trying to accomplish.”
“I don’t even want that anymore,” I say. “I don’t want to go back to school. I don’t want to live in San Francisco for another semester away from you, Ryland, and Mac. I want to be here. I want to help with the store and be a family unit. I just wish . . . I just wish that was an option. I wish Cassidy thought I was good enough.”
“You are good enough.” Aubree grips my chin, forcing me to look at her. “You are good enough, Hattie.”
I shake my head and scoot down on the bed. “I’m not. Hayes made that quite clear.”
Aubree goes to answer, but from the bottom of the stairs, someone yells, “Anyone here in the store?”
“Shit,” Aubree mutters as she stands. “I’ll be back. Let me handle this customer and close down the store.”
“Don’t come back, Aubree,” I say, turning my back on her. “Thank you for wanting to, but I just...I just can’t talk about it anymore.” She loves me, I know that. But right now...I just feel so bereft.
And then I block her out and close my eyes, leaving me to stew in my own sadness.
* * *
Maggie:Aubree told me what happened. Two things: I hate him now, and I hope his music is found in hell with his body. And I plan on coming to visit you. I have a few things I need to wrap up here first, and then I will be there. I love you.
Maggie:PS. We can have a music-deleting party if you want. My clicky finger is ready to remove all Hayes Farrow songs from my playlists.
Maggie:PPS. If you could just respond so I know you’ve read these, I’d appreciate it. And in case you were wondering, my boobs have returned to normal grapefruit size. Aubree thanked me for being vigilant. If anything, I got a little wet from her response.
Hattie:Please don’t ever say that again.
Maggie:Ha, I knew that would do it. Love you, Hattie. I’m here for you.
* * *
Knock.Knock.
I turn on my bed to face the door just as I catch Ryland walking into my small apartment. Yup, I saw this coming.
“Hey, sis,” he says, shutting the door behind him.
“Let me guess, you spoke to Aubree.”
He nods and walks farther into the apartment, where he sticks his hands in his pockets, just like Hayes. Fresh from practice, still wearing his shorts, Almond Bay Baseball shirt, and his baseball hat, he feels like the brother I grew up with, but just . . . bigger.
“I did, and I came to collect you.”
“What do you mean you came to collect me?”
“You’re not staying here alone. You have two choices, you can come sleep in my room or you can sleep on the couch, but this apartment is not an option.”
“Ryland—”
“Two options.” He holds up two fingers to me. “That’s it, that’s all you get. So while you decide, do you want me to pack for you?” He walks over to the corner where my suitcase is and he opens it up next to the dresser. “I don’t want to touch your underwear, but I will if I have to.”
He opens the top drawer and cringes.
“Do you have some tongs I can pick these up with?”
“For God’s sake,” I say while getting out of bed and walking over to him, shoving him to the side so I can pack myself.
