Page 110 of Bourbon Kingdom
“Leave, you need to leave,” I commanded, pleading in my mind for her to listen to me, for once.
With a quick nod, she started for the door, but when her hand reached the knob, she stopped and glanced in my direction. A lone tear streaked down her face as her eyes connected with mine. Right then and there, my fucking heart was ripped out of my chest and thrown on the floor. No matter how mad I was at her for feeling for Rex, I still couldn’t take the hurt look in her eyes.
Pressing my hand to my forehead and trying to massage the aggravation that was consuming me, I said, “I can’t stand the fact that you have feelings for him.”
“I don’t have feelings for him,” she said, as more tears fell down her face.
“If you don’t have feelings, then why the hell are you crying? Why does it seem like you lost the love of your fucking life?”
A crease formed between her eyes as she processed what I was saying. She let go of the doorknob she was holding onto and walked toward me, never taking her eyes off of mine.
“You really think this is the way I would react if I lost the love of my life? You’re sadly mistaken because, first of all, Rex was nothing to me.”
“Then why are you fucking crying?” I shouted, entirely frustrated with the situation.
“Because it was a shock to me,” she shouted back. “I would have cried if you told me your milk man died. For fuck’s sake Jett, I have a heart. I don’t walk around all dark and moody like you and Kace; things affect me. I can’t help it. I cry during that stupid Budweiser commercial with the dog; it’s who I am. Why does it bother you so much?”
“Because . . .”
“Because why?!” Goldie spat at me.
“Because he stole Natasha from me, which turned me black, but when I found out he took you,” I shook my head and said, “When I thought he took you, my soul died. I thought I was hurting when Natasha left me, but I didn’t know what pain was until you left me, Goldie. I had no fucking clue what misery was until the day you took off. You can’t imagine the flashbacks I had, the gut-wrenching agony I had to deal with when you took off trying to save the day.”
“I was trying to make things better for us.”
“By you ‘making things better,’” I quoted her, “You made them exceedingly worse.”
“Because I asked you to trust me? Because I wanted you to try to have faith in me?”
“Because you abandoned me,” I choked out.
Feeling vulnerable, I turned around so Goldie didn’t see the open wound in my chest that was starting to pour out. I didn’t do fucking feelings, and this was why: because I wasn’t able to control them.
The room fell silent as I waited for her to say something, but instead of her coming back at me with a smart remark, I heard her feet pad across the floor until she stood directly behind me. Her arms wrapped around my waist and her head pressed against my back as she hugged me tightly.
“I’m sorry, Jett. I didn’t even think about how my leaving might affect you; I didn’t know it would hurt you so much.”
“Goldie, you were there. You saw the pleading look on my face when you said you were going to leave; you heard me beg for you to stay. How can you say you didn’t know it would affect me?”
She turned me around so I was forced to face her. Her hand went up to my face, where she caressed my jaw and said, “How was I supposed to know how you really felt, Jett? You never told me; you barely showed me. For all I knew, you moved on without me here, hired a new Jett Girl, which you did.”
“Because I thought you’d moved on. You were with Rex, Goldie. Rex, the one person who made it his mission to destroy me every chance he got. He was one of the main reasons, besides my dad, why we couldn’t be together.”
“And how did I find that out? Oh yeah, from Diego, not from you, the person who was supposed to be my boyfriend.”
Completely frustrated, Goldie let go of me and pulled away. I could see the tension radiating off of her. Did I really want to dig deep into our issues? Not really, but they were out now. They had to be resolved once and for all.
“How come you can’t just trust me?” Goldie asked, aggravated.
“Because I don’t trust anyone except for Kace. Everyone in my life has either left me or treated me more as an accessory than a human. Trust doesn’t come easy to me.”
“Have I done anything for you not to trust me?”
Valid point, she hadn’t. She’d actually been extremely loyal, but because I’m a fucked-up bastard, I can’t readily admit to her being welcomed into my inner circle.
“No,” I admitted.
“So then, why are you treating me like everyone else? Why are you lumping me in with all the other people who’ve hurt you? It’s not fair, Jett, for you to pre-judge me like that.”
