Page 111 of Bourbon Kingdom
I didn’t know what to say; I didn’t think she would understand.
“Jett, talk to me,” she practically begged. “Tell me why.”
Wanting this to be over, I finally said, “Because you’re the one person who could annihilate me, Goldie. I’ve never in my life felt so strongly about a person before, and it terrifies me because with one sentence, with one wave of your wrist, you could take everything away from me. You literally hold all the power. You’re the definition of gold. You think you’re just a small girl who came from Bourbon Street, but you are so wrong. You’re so much more than that. You hold the colors in the palm of your hand.”
“Colors?” Goldie asked, confused.
I walked over to her and opened up her palm. With my finger, I traced a J, F, and P on her palm.
“Purple is for justice, something you were able to accomplish while staying at the Lafayette Club. Green is for faith, even though it might not seem like it, I have more faith in you than anyone. And finally, gold, for power. The colors of the city are yours, Goldie, the colors I live by, and fuck if you didn’t just come into my life and take them all away.”
“I just wanted to be a part of your life, Jett. I still do; I love you.”
Needing her close, I pulled her into my chest and kissed the top of her head.
“I love you, Goldie. Fuck, do I love you. Three words I never thought would come out of my mouth, but the moment I saw you drawing my mother’s gravestone, I knew I was in trouble. I knew, at that moment, my mom was trying to bring us together, it just took me a little longer to accept the help she was sending me.”
“Why is this so hard?” she asked innocently.
“Because I’m fucked up and have trust issues. I have Daddy issues. I have little rich boy issues—”
“Little rich boy issues for sure,” she giggled into my chest.
“I’m sorry, Goldie. I want to be better. I just need you to understand that when you thought you were doing something for us, you were really destroying me. I don’t do well with being left behind. I was left behind my whole life. It’s hard for me to see something I care about so much leave me. I can’t fucking take it.”
“I understand,” she said softly, while rubbing my back, erasing all the stress from my body. “Can I ask you to do something for me?”
“Anything,” I said, almost in desperation.
She looked up at me and patted my heart with her hand. “This right here, this heart belongs to me, and I need you to open it up, to let me fully in and to be vulnerable, to be scared, to drop the alpha mask when you’re with me and just be. I will not judge you and I will not leave you; I’m here and I’m not leaving. Do you understand that? I’m not leaving, Jett, it’s time you accept that and help us move on with our relationship.”
She was right, I needed to stop pushing her away and finally let her all the way in, throw my balls to the wall and dive headfirst into the unknown. Fuck was I scared, but with Goldie by my side, I knew it was going to be all right. It had to be all right, my mom brought us together for a reason. My mom knew Goldie was the one for me; it was about time I started living my life and stopped living in fear.
“I can do that,” I whispered, as I carefully brought my lips down to hers.
She sighed in my embrace and let my lips take control of hers. With my tongue, I pried her mouth open and tasted her beautiful self. She was intoxicating, debilitating, and so fucking mind altering that at times, I forgot who I was.
Needing to prove to her that I was fully in this relationship, I pulled away, eliciting a cry from her, but then grasped her hand.
“I need to show you something.”
“Okay . . .” she drawled out. “But before you do that, can we address one thing?”
“Sure.”
“Rex, what are you going to do about him?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, are you going to do anything about what happened?”
“There isn’t much I can do, or would want to do. Do I feel bad that the man drove his life into the ground by following my father and wound up killing himself? Yes, I don’t think any person, no matter how horrible they are, should die under such circumstances. But you have to remember, Goldie, underneath his fake façade, he was a bad person. He was blackmailing every single person in his club, making them work for him. He committed shady acts throughout his entire life, and when it came back to bite him in the ass, he couldn’t handle it. I’m sorry for the way he left this world, but I’m not sorry for what he had coming to him.”
“I see,” she said, while nodding her head, making me nervous. “I guess you’re right, he deserved what was coming to him, his jail sentence that is, not his death. I guess it just seems so sad to me that a person’s life could be that bad to them that the only option they think they have left is committing suicide.”
“It is sad,” I agreed. “But it’s not our problem. I can’t have you dwell on this. I’m not a very strong man when it comes to jealousies, Goldie. I need to know that you’re not truly upset over his loss.”
“I’m not. I’m just sad for the circumstances, that’s all. He was by no means the love of my life, and he never even had a shot at it. You, on the other hand, I don’t know what I would do if something ever happened to you. I honestly don’t know how I would go on.”
