Page 100 of Bourbon Deceit
“I’m pretty suremy bra snapped loose a half hour ago,” I slurred over the pounding music reverberating off the walls of a very small and very smelly bar we’d found. “Look at how jiggly my tits are,” I said to Babs as I shimmied at her.
Babs stood up straight, pulled my tank top off my chest, and looked down my shirt. She nodded and said, “Yup, you got some free boobies going on there.”
“Shit, how did that happen?” I asked as I swayed to the music.
“Probably around the same time you decided to tie your leather jacket around your head like a turban,” she said, swatting one of the sleeves that kept dangling over my forehead.
“You have to admit though, it’s one hell of a fashion statement.”
Babs leaned forward and said, “I’m pretty sure I saw some girls wearing their jackets just like that in the bathroom, but they couldn’t pull it off like you can.”
“It’s not for everyone,” I said, showing off my turban, framing it with my hands.
“Just gorgeous,” Babs encouraged me.
“Ah beh dink ferg, Mama.” Tootse came tumbling in, sucking her thumb and holding on to her right breast.
“What?” Babs asked. “Was that English?”
I was hammered too, but even in my drunk state I couldn’t translate what Tootse was trying to say.
“I don’t think soooo,” I said while dancing in a circle.
Francy pulled up next to Tootse and wrapped an arm around her. “Time to say goodnight to your friends. You’re drunk, sweetheart, and you can bet your ass I’ll be taking advantage of you.”
“Aww, lesbian sex,” I cooed.
“Just sex,” Francy corrected me. “You don’t have to put lesbian in front of it.”
“But it sounds so much cooler.” I continued to sway. “I was a lesbian once, then Jett came and licked my pussy . . . saddled me right back on the bologna pony express to Pleasureville.”
“I heard that’s off Dick Drive and Cunt Circle,” Pepper said as she handed out more shots.
“You might want to take her back too.” Babs laughed while pointing at me.
“What? Nah! I’m a peach. A damn peach.”
“You’re a peach all right,” Babs retorted.
“Are you going to lick my peach?” Tootse pouted to Francy.
“Christ,” she mumbled, pulling her in tight. “I’m taking off ladies. Apparently there is some ripe fruit waiting for me.”
“I can’t take the visual,” Pepper said as she cringed after taking her shot and Tootse’s, since she was out of commission now.
“I can!” I shouted as I used the now-empty shot glass as my telescope. I zoned in on Tootse’s cleavage and said, “Ahoy matey, we got here an erect nipple.” My finger flicked her nipple, making her squeal.
“That tickled. You tickled my tit.” Tootse burst out in laughter. “Tit, my tit. Tit, tit, tit tickler. She’s the tit tickler.”
“And that’s my cue,” Francy said. She blew kisses to us and pulled Tootse out of the bar.
“That should be my stage name!” All of a sudden I became excited. I ran to the bar, asked for a pen, and grabbed a napkin.
“What are you doing?” Babs asked, looking over my shoulder.
“Two dots and there!” I held up my napkin.
“Tit Tipper?” Babs asked with a confused look.
