Page 99 of The Downside of Love
Through the ringing in my head, I hear the bartender yell at Colby, telling us both to leave the establishment in the next five seconds. Scrambling to my feet, I follow Colby out the front door where he starts to pace the sidewalk, gripping his head, looking like he’s about to plow another fist into my face.Fuck, this hurts. I’ve been hit plenty of times, but he’s got a fucking hard punch.
I know I can take him, as I have about ten more pounds of muscle on him, but I won’t fight him. I have no excuse to fight. I actually welcome his angry fists, because if I were him, I’d feel the same damn way. Probably react the same way too.
My eye starts to swell, blocking out a part of my vision, but I keep my eyes trained on Colby, waiting for his next move, putting up no defense.
Finally he stops pacing and turns toward me, the sidewalk empty thankfully. “You fucking liked her and still shoved her on me. Why?”
“Because,” I keep my voice steady, “I saw the way you looked at her, the goddamn interest in your eyes. She wanted to know you, too. I thought she’d help you see there was more to life than flying.”
“You knew I didn’t want any distractions. If you fucking felt something for her, why did you have to throw her into my life? Why didn’t you just take her for yourself?”
“Because,” I swallow hard, the truth kicking me square in the nuts, “because she wasn’t looking at me. She was looking atyou, and for the life of me, I couldn’t watch you ignore her. Not give her a chance. I liked her, man, but I wanted you to be happy. Thought that maybe, with you two together . . . I’d get to know her too. As a friend.”
He stands straight and stares at me blankly. “You’re fucking kidding me, right?” He steps forward, malice dripping from his every word. “You realize how broken I was when she broke up with me, right? You remember that? I could have saved myself the hassle of ever going through that pain if you’d just let me live my goddamn life and not interfered with it.”
“You needed someone, Colby. You were a fucking hermit.” I raise my voice. “She was the one to get you out of your shell.”
“And then you turn around and fuck her behind my back?” He matches my tone.
“It wasn’t like that. I didn’t run to her the first chance I got. I never wanted to betray you—”
“And yet you did,” he scoffs.
I let out a long breath. “I tried, man. I tried to keep my distance, and I did, but she needed help—”
“And that help should have come from me.” He takes another step closer. “I was the one she depended on. I was the one who was supposed to be there for her. I would have given up everything for her, and I tried to.”
“She knew you were giving up too much.”
“Don’t.” He shakes his head. “Don’t fucking talk for her.” Frustrated, he drives his hand through his hair and exhales loudly. “Fuck!” He spins around, hands on hips, and casts his eyes toward the ground. “I hate that you fucking know her, that you feel like you know her better than me. That you think you are the one for her.” He turns around again. “I’m still in love with her, and you, mybest fucking friend, stepped in and took over.”
“I tried.”Drowned myself with bottles and bottles of scotch. “I tried so fucking hard to say no, to back away, but I couldn’t. I needed her, but don’t doubt for a second that I didn’t feel guilty every damn day.”
“Oh, thank fuck,” he says sarcastically, “because the guilt you suffered through is really going to make this better.”
“Colby,” I choke on my words. “I’m sorry.”
“Fuck you,” he spits. “Is that why you didn’t text or call me? Is that why you left without a goodbye or a good luck, because you were just waiting for the perfect time to swoop in and steal my girl?”
“No.”
“Were you planning my exit, counting down the minutes until I was gone?”
“No,” I repeat.
“Then what? Why couldn’t you pick up the phone?”
“Because I was so goddamn jealous,” I yell, fed up with this situation. “I couldn’t bear to talk to you, knowing you were living outmydream, a dream I’d never taste. And yeah, I might have been fucking jealous, but I was also so proud.”
“Bullshit. You can’t fucking stand there and tell me you were proud of me. The minute you found out you weren’t going to flight school was the minute you began turning your back on me. You could have called—”
“The phone goes both ways, Colby. You could have picked up the phone and called.”
“You left without saying goodbye. I had no one after graduation.”
“You had no one?” I raise a brow at him. “No one? Really? Because you had Gramps—” I start ticking people off my fingers “—and, Colby, I’m really sorry you lost him. But back then you had him, Hardie and Joey, and the guys you went to flight school with. Want to talk about having no one? Everyone fucking left town and I was stuck here, with my dad, living a goddamn pathetic life, watching everyone else take off into the sky while I was grounded. Want to talk about having no one? The only thing I fucking had was a bag full of self-loathing and a bottle of scotch.”
He’s silent for a second, and I think maybe he gets me, but then he shakes his head and points his finger at me. “You crossed an unspoken line. You knew she was mine.”
