Page 100 of The Downside of Love
“Yeah, I know. But I loved her and stepped back. I tried to walk away—”
“Right.”
I think back to all my interactions with Rory, the restraint, donning the mask of indifference that hid my true feelings from her. I spent so much energy trying to hide my true self and in the end, I couldn’t take it anymore.
“I did.”
“You didn’t try hard enough.” He starts pacing again. “Fuck!” He stops, turns toward me, head tilted. “Did you . . . have you fucked her?”
I don’t say anything. I can’t say anything as my mind goes blank. No, I haven’t fucked her. I’ve made love to her, so many times I can’t even fucking count. Does she love me? Yeah, for some unknown reason, she does.
I'm content and full because you also breathe life into me.
My unspoken answer stretches between us, the silence speaking for itself.
His chest grows with each intake of air, his fists clench at his sides, and anger vibrates off him as he says, “You’re dead to me.”
“Colby.”
He steps up to me so we’re nose to nose. “Let’s lay down the facts real quick. I didn’t want her, but you forced her upon me. She was a distraction, someone I couldn’t forget, and someone I couldn’t help but love. And she loved me, but she chose her life here over me, breaking my goddamn heart. And then you stepped in and took my girl. A brother doesn’t do that. She was mine, Stryder, and the fact you pissed on that makes me believe you were never truly my brother.”
My throat tightens as he pushes me away.
“I thought we’d formed a bond that was fucking unbreakable, a bond that lasts a lifetime. But you threw that out the window. What the fuck did you think would happen when I found out? Did you think I’d shake your goddamned hand and wish you a lifetime of happiness? Or did you think you’d never see me again so you didn’t have to worry about it?” I feel ripped to shreds, and unlike when my father attacks me, Colby’s words are all true.
“Neither,” I admit honestly. “Every time I thought about telling you, I felt sick.”
Colby slow claps for me and starts to walk away. “Poor fucking Stryder. Can’t fly, so fucks his best friend’s girl. You’re not a brother. A true brother would never do what you did. You’re fucking dead to me.”
Fishing his keys from his pocket, he walks away from me without another word, leaving me in a wake of regret.
You’re not a brother. You’re fucking dead to me.
Chapter Twenty-Six
RORY
The slow creak of the steps echoing in the hall wakes me from my sleep.
Stryder is home.Finally.
I’ve been a nervous wreck ever since he went to meet with Colby. Despite our talk a month ago, he’s still been off, and ever since Hardie called to let him know about Gramps, he’s been cold and distant. When he told me about Colby wanting to meet with him, he was apprehensive. But deep in my bones, I knew he had to talk to Colby to truly give himself to me. I think it’s the thing that’s been holding him back from committing his entire soul to me.
The lock on the door turns and quietly Stryder steps in, not turning on any lights, just shuffling through the apartment, not bothering to take off his shoes. Sitting up in bed, I switch the nightstand light on and illuminate the small space, highlighting his sunken in features and the hard edge around his jaw.
His shoulders are slumped, his posture defeated, and his hair is a wild mess from being twisted and pulled in all different directions. My stomach drops just from the sight of him. His conversation didn’t go well, that much is clear.
“Hey,” I say, trying to be as gentle as possible.
He goes to the closet where he rummages around. I’m about to ask him what he’s doing when he tosses his rucksack to the ground. It lands in the center of the room, crumpled and used, a harsh reminder of where it’s been and what it’s been through.
What it’s about to go through.
Heart seizing in my chest, I eye the bag on the floor, and then look at him, lip trembling. “Stryder, wh-what are you doing?”
He goes to the dresser and starts pulling clothes from the drawer, his movements swift, like if he stays in this apartment more than a few minutes he’ll turn to dust.
He works his way to the rucksack and shoves a pile of clothes inside, not even looking in my direction.
