Page 41 of Silver Edge
“Yes, but you didn’t know that at the time. You did it, I hope, because you care enough about me to do something I wanted.”
I shrugged. “I guess. I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
Drake turned off the engine and sat there for a moment. “Tonight, I want to do something to make you happy. I want to hold you all night.”
My hands trembled and my heart sped up. “All night? I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I thought…”
He quirked his head to the side then sighed. “That I wanted to have sex? No. Well, yes, but not tonight. Did you not listen to anything I told you?”
“Yes, but I don’t know what you’re saying half the time. I’m trying, but it’s not something I know or intrinsically feel.” Zaps of anxiety surfaced and I shoved the car door open, needing to get out and walk, or run, or something.
Drake appeared at the back of the car, his hands raised. “Please, don’t run away. I won’t pressure you. Calm down, and we can talk.”
“All this talking is uncomfortable. I don’t know how to tell you how I feel, or understand what you need. You deserve someone who isn’t a freak or so fucked up in the head.”
“Scarlet, then you do care about me.” Drake ducked so I’d have to look at him. His gaze dragged my head up as if he tied us together with some invisible string. “If you didn’t care, it wouldn’t bother you so much. Listen, if you want to go back to your warehouse, I’ll take you. But please, don’t run away from me.” His voice cracked and something inside told me there was more behind his words, but I didn’t want to ask.
“I can’t promise that I’ll even be able to lie next to you. It’s been a decade since anyone has slept with me. And I’ve never spent the night with a guy before.”
“You can sleep on my bed and I’ll sleep on the couch. We’ll start there. After that, maybe we can slide the couch closer to the bed. And someday, maybe we can share the bed.”
“In the meantime, are you willing to have sex with a girl who can’t stand to be held afterward? A girl who wants it over with quick?” I fought to catch my breath, but everything inside me warned me to run. That all of this was too much. It would never work out.
“No. I’m not.”
For a moment, I didn’t want to believe what I heard. I wanted to run, but hearing his rejection pierced my heart and pinned me in place. “Well, there’s nothing more to say, then. Good night.”
Drake blocked my path. “I’m not willing to have a quickie with you, but I’m willing to take a lot of cold showers waiting for you to be able to be with me the way we both want. I can see it in your eyes, Scarlet. You want to make love to me, not just have sex. I know you do. If you won’t admit it to me, admit it to yourself.”
I took two long breaths and waited for the pounding in my ears to subside before I spoke. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Drake shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned back on his ankles. “Okay, you’ll try?”
I nodded. “I’ll try, but don’t hate me if I can’t do it.”
“I told you already that I could never hate you.” He tilted my chin up with his finger and kissed my forehead. “But I know you can do it. Even now, your shoulders aren’t up to your ears when I touch you like that first time. And it’s only been a day or two. Imagine in a week, or a month.”
“You’d wait that long?” I held my breath.
“I’d wait years.” He offered me his hand and I took it.
We entered the club and Drake ordered a pizza while I went to the piano, knowing the music and the feel of the smooth, cool keys would soothe me. I didn’t have an idea what I would play, I never did, but somehow the music just oozed from my pores.
I heard him stirring upstairs in a room over the stage by his office. I assumed he had some fancy apartment on Peachtree Street overlooking the city, but it seemed more like we were sleeping at the club. Was that out of consideration for me? I didn’t know. All I longed for at the moment was to release some of that built-up pressure in my body. It was either run or purge with music.
I sat on the piano bench and closed my eyes. The keys joined my fingers as if they were an extension of my body, and I tentatively played a few notes in the higher range before my mood took over and a tale of fear started to ring through the building. It took me on a journey through a horrific past, with deep tones and slow-moving notes, until the piece changed, picking up into a fleeing tempo. The keys turned light as if the feet of this imaginary character never touched the ground until they fell into despair, loss, and hopelessness, then slowed to a stop. My fingers paused before they continued one note at a time, as if a new morning came and a flower opened to the sun. The beat took on a rhythmical, happy pace, full of hope and cheer. Yet, in the background, there was still one dark note, beating over and over until it all faded away.
My breath came in great heaves as tears streamed down my face. I never knew why, but music released the caged monster from within, the angry beast that wanted to fight, do drugs, or admit defeat.
“Scarlet?” Drake’s voice called from behind.
I sniffled and wiped my nose with my sleeve before rising slowly and finding him standing behind me with glistening eyes.
“I’ve never heard anything like it. Is there anything about you that isn’t exciting and beautiful?” He shuffled closer. “You might not be able to tell me how you feel, but I can hear your heart through your music.”
I took a stuttered breath. My legs were wobbly underneath me. The anxiety of the day had fled, and I stumbled forward into his arms. He caught me, held me to his chest, and I hugged him back.
“Isn’t this a sight?”Hervoice shattered the moment.
