Page 39 of Eleanor & Grey
“I...” I swallowed hard, somewhat shocked that I was actually going to say the words I’d been dreading so much. “I just don’t think it’s smart to try to be in a relationship right now. You have such a great year coming up, and I don’t want to stop you from living it to the fullest. You deserve to be happy.”
“You make me happy.”
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to crawl into his arms and just cry.
I wanted to be childish about it. I wanted to stay in Illinois with him so we could be us, whatever it was that we were. I wanted ridiculous laughter and kung fu movies andWesley Petersreferences and Greyson.
I wanted Greyson so bad.
But sometimes a kid is forced to grow up faster than they like.
“I’m not going to be OK, Greyson. The next few months of my life are going to suck, and I’m going to cry, and I’m not going to be the weird girl who reads books at parties. I’m just going to be sad.”
“You shouldn’t have to be sad alone.”
I wished he weren’t a good guy. It seemed much harder to walk away from a good guy.
“You deserve more than this,” I said.
“So you’re breaking up with me before you even give us a chance,” he whispered, his voice tight. “Just say it and get it over with.”
I stared at him. His hands were clenched tightly together, and he tapped his foot repeatedly on the step. The more I waited, the worse it was going to be for the both of us, so I parted my lips and spoke softly, hoping he actually heard me. “I can’t be your girlfriend, Grey.”
He stood up quickly and nodded. “OK.”
“Greyson.” I leaped to my feet, feeling my heart pounding against my chest. “Wait—”
“No, it’s fine. Really, Ellie. It was stupid for me to think anything other than this. I hope the move goes OK.” And with that, he went into his house.
No real goodbyes.
No true closure.
Just a slamming door.
I wanted to die.
The whole walk home, I moved with regret, but I knew it had been the right choice to make. If it had been the wrong one, it wouldn’t have hurt so much.
I walked into the house, and Mom was lying on the couch. She sat up a little, and I hated how long it took her to getcomfortable. I didn’t want her to get up because of me, but she always got up.
“Hey, Ellie. How did the talk with Greyson go?”
I smiled. It was forced and fake, and she knew it. “It was fine. I’m just going to lie down for a bit.”
She narrowed her eyes and looked concerned, but I turned on my heels and darted to my bedroom. I shut my door behind me and collapsed onto my bed. My arms wrapped around my pillow, and I buried my face into it. I silenced my cries because I didn’t want my parents to feel bad. They were already going through enough; the last thing they needed was to feel like I was broken because we were moving.
I was, though.
As I cried, a hand touched my shoulder. I looked to my right and saw Mom standing there. She was skinny, fatigued, and sick, but she was still there.
She’s still here.
She wiped my tears with one finger and sighed. “Oh, baby...”
“I’m sorry, Mom. I’m OK.” I tried to promise her that I was fine, wiping my eyes. “You go rest.”
