Page 97 of Badd Love
I toed off my loafers, stepped on the fronts of each sock in turn, and stepped out of them, hissing as Lindsey palmed my package. "Linz, I'm here for you, okay?"
"I know that," she murmured. "I don't wanna be all gooey and emotional anymore, though."
I cupped her chin, tugged her face up so she had to look at me. "No, what I mean is that I'm here for whatever you want, whatever you need. You just have to honestly tell me what you're feeling and what you want, what you need." I searchedher trembling, shimmery blue eyes. "And as for being gooey and emotional? Linz, that's not something to avoid. It's okay to be…soft…with me. Vulnerable. Emotional."
She dipped her chin, looking down and away. "There's nothing sexy about a weepy woman."
I pulled her focus back to me. "I don't need this to be sexy, sweetheart."
This got her eyes flicking up to mine in surprise. "But…but…Dane, we haven't…I haven't—" she shook her head. "This is our big reunion, though. We've been avoiding each other—or I've been avoiding you, I should say, if I'm being honest—for months. I've dreamed of you. Of us. I've…" she swallowed hard. "I've fantasized about this moment—finally getting to be alone with you, all my cards on the table, all my fucking baggage out in the open…hoping you'd…" her eyes misted, dripped. "You'd still want me, even after knowing how much fucking work I'll be."
My throat closed, hearing her grit out these fearful truths, seeing the depth of her fear, the power of her insecurities.
"I just want to feel sexy,” she whispered, “I want to feel…desired. I don't want to be a fucking basket case or a charity case, where you give me sweet little kisses because I'm so fucked up you don't—you don't see me as…as…" a gruff growl of frustration escaped her. “Fuck! See? This! This is exactly what I didn't want!" She turned away from me, pacing angrily toward the window.
I followed her, sliding my arms around her waist, locking my fingers together at her belly as I murmured in her ear. "There's something you're missing in this scenario, sweetheart."
She stiffened. "There is?"
"Yup."
"What would that be?"
"I'm not in this just for the sex."
Already tensed, she turned into a statue. "I know that, Dane."
"I don't think you do. I think youthinkyou do, I think youwantto believe that, but deep down, you don't trust it."
"Dammit, Dane." She sniffled. "I'm trying to seduce you!"
"I know that. I don't need seduction." I cut over her protest. "Don't misunderstand me. I want you to seduce me all the fucking time."
"Then I don't understand the problem?"
I turned her in place, tipping her face up to mine. "Do you want to be with me?" I asked. "Do you want to live life with me? Explore what a real, lasting, long-term, committed, monogamous relationship with me looks like. One with no escape clauses or secret ways out just in case it doesn't work."
"Yes," she whispered. "You've had that modeled for you your whole life by literally dozens of people. I, on the other hand, have only ever seen one positive relationship in my life. So I just…I don't know what that looks like."
I smiled. Whispered my lips across hers in a ghost of a kiss. "That's what I'm talking about, sweetheart. You haven't seen what I have, so I know something you don't."
"Then enlighten me, please."
"You've had to be strong for so long, Lindsey," I said, holding her eyes as she tried to look away. "Don't look away. Stay with me, honey.You don't have to be strong. You don't have to have it all figured out. You don't have to be sexy. You can be messy. You can be emotional. I'm not scared of or threatened by your emotions or by tears. I don't just want you when you're all made up and wearing sexy lingerie and feeling hot. I want you when you're down, when you're scared, when you're pissed off, when you're…I dunno, whatever you're feeling. And right now, baby, what you're feeling may not be sexy, but it's real. If that's gooey and emotional, that's okay. Be that. Show me that."
"You're saying you can get hard for me even if I'm all weepy and sad?" she said, arching an eyebrow at me.
I laughed. "The funny answer is yes, I can always get hard for you. The real answer is that I love you, and sometimes, that may not look like seduction and heavy breathing and drawn-out foreplay. I can feel a desire for you that's not just hot, sexy passion. It can be something else."
"Like what?" she whispered.
I danced my mouth against hers. "Like this." I kissed her, slowly, softly. "It can be a love that's gentle and sweet. It's notless than, honey, it's justdifferent."
"I'm not good with that kinda stuff, though," she muttered, resting her fingertips on my waist.
"That's fine. We can figure it out together." I pulled her hood up onto her head, laughing when she glared up at me from beneath the hood. "Fuck, you're cute."
"I don't want to feelcute," she grumped. "I want to feel sexy."
