Page 36 of Badd Love
"And went down on me," I said. "You didn't hear me complaining, did you?" I let him go, sat back. "You didn't ask me to do anything. I did what I wanted to do."
"So why are you so upset?" he asked.
"Because I'm more confused than ever!" I shouted. "I don'twantto want you, Dane. And I swear on all that's holy, that's not aboutyou, it's aboutmeand my fucked-up psyche. I'm scared. I'm—I'm fucked up. And you—you make me feel things. Big things. Scary things. Things I don't have the emotional bandwidth to deal with right now.”
He was quiet for a long time. "Linz, I…I guess I don't really know what to say to that. I want you to trust me. But I know how much easier that is said than done."
"Honestly, Dane, a big part of me wishes you were more of a cocky asshole. It'd be way easier to fuck you again just to get you out of my system so I can be done with you.”
"But it's not that easy, huh?”
"Shut up."
He huffed a laugh. "Are you saying that I'm not out of your system yet?"
"Dane, seriously, shut up."
"Because if you give me another ten or fifteen minutes, we can go again." He paused. "A big black bug bit a big black bear, and the big black bear bled black blood."
"The fuck?"
"Warming up my mouth.”
I slapped his chest. "Shut up. No. We aren't going again."
"Awww. You sure?" he held a hand up in front of my face, index, middle, and pinky fingers extended, his ring finger tucked. "Now that ass-play is in the picture, I could see if I can make you come so hard so many times you pass out…again.”
"Ass-play isnotin the picture."
"My asshole disagrees."
“You liked it."
"Fuck yes, I did. You're welcome to do that to me anytime you want." He laughed. "You're telling me two in the pink, one in the stink doesn't interest you?"
“Not when you phrase it like that."
"Fine. You're telling me that you would not, in fact, allow me to gently finger your delicate little rosebud while I eat your pussy?"
"Rosebud?" I echoed.
"I dunno. Just go with it."
I sighed as I finally found the wherewithal to leave the all-consuming comfort of his arms—it felt like leaving a warm bed and jumping straight into a cold plunge. "Dane…" I shifted away to sit upright in the bed beside him, tugging the blankets up and tucking them under my arms.
He sat upright and gave me his full attention. "Lindsey?"
"I'm stuck, Dane." My voice was low, quiet. Shaky. "Yes, I'm wildly attracted to you. Physically and emotionally—as hard as that last part is to admit. I see you. You're a good guy—agreatguy. You deserve better than you've gotten from me, Dane—no, no quips about what just happened. For once, I'm being serious."
"Hi, serious, I'm Dane."
I rolled my eyes at him, vainly trying to suppress a grin. "Dane, fuck off with the jokes."
He scrubbed his face. "I'm trying, I swear."
"I can't give you…anything, really. I just—I don't know how to open up about what happened. If I…if I were to start talking about it, I'd fall apart, and I'm terrified that if that happens, I'll never be able to put myself together again. I've seen therapists my whole life. I've done work on myself. I'm trying, Dane, I swear to God I’m trying. And—and if I could open up toanyman about what happened, it'd be you."
"Does anyone know?" he asked.
