Page 16 of Badd Love
"Dane, I left you—"
"A note," I interrupted. "I know. "It wasn't me. But pardon me if that doesn't helpat fucking all."
"Dane—"
"You can tell me it's not me all you want, doesn't mean my subconscious is going to fucking listen. I get that you're a woman, so this might be difficult for you to understand, but when a girl has a complete nervous breakdown mid-blow job, it tends to make you wonder what it is about you that caused the breakdown."
"Dane, it wasn't—"
"I fuckingknow, Lindsey. Try telling it to my psyche."
"Goddammit," I hear her hiss. "Now you're guilt-tripping me?"
"Yup."
"Asshole." A long pause. “What if I'm incapable of giving you the answers you want?"
"How do you know if you won't try?" I countered.
She didn't answer. I settled against her door, turned on a playlist of my favorite music to annoy people with: black metal. Lots of screeching and other fun noises that most sane people can't stand, but I, being less than sane, happen to enjoy.
"What thefuckis that sound?" she demands.
"‘Cradle of Filth’, obviously. Nymphetamine is a classic banger."
"Turn it off, Jesus fuck, man."
I turned my volume all the way up and put the speaker to the gap between the door and the floor.
"DANE!"
"That's not how you were saying it that night," I quipped.
"Really, asshole?"
"Really, bitch."
"You did not."
"I did."
"You can't call me a bitch."
"But you can call me an asshole?"
"Yup." A sigh. “You're really, actually going to sit outside my door and be as obnoxious as possible until I let you in, aren't you?"
"You've guessed correctly!" I said in my best game show announcer voice. "Tell her what she's won, Bob!"
"An all expenses paid trip to a remote desert island where I can be LEFT THE FUCK ALONE?" she said. "Perfect!"
"Nope, just me being an obnoxious piece of shit."
"So your natural state, then?"
"Yup."
"Dane, please. All jokes aside. I really just need some time."
