Page 15 of Badd Love
"To talk."
"Answers. You want answers."
"Yes. But I'll settle for just a civilized, adult conversation."
"No."
"Then I'm not leaving."
"I could have you arrested for loitering or harassment or something."
"Fine. Do it. Hamish and Raquel will bail me out, and I’ll be right back here."
"Dane Badd. Don't be impossible."
"It's tooLAAAAATEto apologiiiiiize—" I sang, intentionally off-key.
"Oh god, please don’t sing."
"Then let me in."
"NO!"
I queued up "I'll Be Watching You" by Sting and the Police, played it, and sang along, loudly and again terribly on purpose, just to be an annoying fuck.
"Jesus H Christ," she muttered. "You sound like a dying donkey."
I cackled. "You can stop it anytime you want, babe."
I launched into "Hit Me, Baby One More Time" in a falsetto that could get me indicted for attempted murder.
"JESUS, DANE! Shut the fuck up already!"
"Then let me in so we can talk."
"Not happening!”
"Okay. So, a rabbi, a priest, and an imam walk into a bar—"
"Ohmygod," she murmurs. "Shoot me now."
"What is this? says the bartender," I continued, "some kind of joke?"
"Jesus fucking Christ, Dane. Iwillhave you arrested and handcuffed."
"How'd you know I have a bondage kink?" I asked.
Her silence was conspicuously loud.
"That was a joke," I said. "Please don't tie me up."
"Dane, for real. I'm fine. Just go away."
“Well, I'm not fine," I answered. "You got me fucked up."
"Dane, that's not fair."
"Notfair?" I couldn't stop the rant from tumbling out. "I've spent every day since that night wonderingwhat the fuckI did wrong. What I could have done differently."
