Page 29 of Shades of Loyalty
These past few years, I haven’t been used to giving somebody love.
But this woman? She’s so fucking strong. And all I want to do is give her strength when she finally runs out of it—like now. Ever since the second Roy’s heart stopped beating, she’s been terrified.
And I wouldn’t do anything rather than giving her the love and strength she deserves. In any way, in every way. Wherever and whenever she needs it.
I close my eyes as I continue rubbing her back, doing my best to comfort her. She didn’t deserve this. Seeing us, trying to save him, and failing. And what makes it even worse, having to stay here. It’s fucking unfair, I know. But life is usually never fair. It hasn’t been to me, either. I just wish I could turn back time and do it better.
I swear I’m doing my best to make her life better. What happened last morning was a tragedy I couldn’t prevent, but what’s happening in the future is something I can control. And whatever she endures, I want it to be filled with laughter, happiness, and family moments. Moments with her daughter.
The files I’ve seen from her old workplace were fucking terrible. She kept being overworked. But now? I know thissituation isn’t perfect, but I’ll make it the best that’s possible.
And most importantly, I’ll keep her safe. She’ll always be safe with me.
"You did such a good job, my pretty girl. I was so proud of you. I still am. Okay, hm?"
She looks up at me, a tear slowly falling down her cheek. "Daniel… hedied. Yousawit. I wanted to help him so bad, but—"
"Everybody has to die eventually," I reply. Her next words fucking break my heart. "But I was supposed to save him. I always save people. Why couldn’t I do it for him?" I think about her words for a few seconds. She’s right, in some way. It’s fucked up. Harsh, really. Because none of this was her fault. If it was anybody’s fault, it was mine.
I should’ve stopped Roy from letting us split up. I should’ve told him it was a bad idea. But even then, they could’ve shot him. What’s been fucking with my mind even more was the fact that I was the one denying her from calling an ambulance.
If I would’ve done like she told me, she wouldn’t blame herself. But as much as I would’ve liked doing that, I couldn’t. The police would’ve blamed us. Again. And I can’t let all of this happen to my family again.
"Yes, you were supposed to save him," I agree. "But you can’t save someone if death has already got his grip on them."
She scoffs. "That sounds absolutely awful, Daniel."
"But it’s the truth, isn’t it?"
I continue holding her while she stares into my eyes. Her blue eyes are so beautiful. Fuck, I have to stop thinking of her like that.
"Yeah, you’re right… Maybe it is terrible because we know we can’t deny the truth."
Her words hit me. Fucking hard, at that. I simply nod before I let go of her. Because if this woman keeps talking to me, fuck, I’ll do something I’m going to regret afterwards.
Comforting her is one thing. Being this close to her as we start some type of deep talk is another. Shit.
"You’re right about that," I laugh to hide my nervousness—something I didn’t do in years.
I pause, unsure whether I should bring it up now or later, but I can’t let it go regardless. "See, I’ve hired a professional therapist to help with everything my soldier’s go through... you know, after everythingyouhavebeen through, you might want to talk to somebody. It’s all strictly confidential. You don’t have to tell me how you feel. Just… Please, if you’re not doing well, talk tosomeone, okay? I want you to be okay.”
Her gaze sharpens just slightly, but she nods, trying to mask the concern. “I’m fine, promise,” she says softly, but I can see the weight in her eyes.
I want to push more, ask if she can really get through this without a professional, but I don’t.
I know better than to push someone further when they don’t want to talk. Especially if they’re this stressed out already.
“That’s okay. Whenever you feel like you need someone to talk to, though, just let me know, okay?”
“I will if it’s needed, but I swear I’m fine,” she promises, though the hesitance still lingers. I want to believe her. But I’ve seen this before. The "I’m fine" that means anything but.
I nod, knowing it’s not my place to force her into anything. It’d only result in her trusting me less than she does right now. And that’s the last thing I want. “Take your time. I’m here when you’re ready, pretty. Always.”
Chapter Twelve
Daniel
The only sounds which are noticeable in my office are the ticking of the clock and the steady tapping of my fingers on the keyboard. After Jennifer and I had some sort of bonding moment, I decided to show her back to her room. I told her I’d set up a working contract to give her some sense of normality. If she works for me and my family, she gets a work contract. Just like she’d get a contract at a hospital.
