Page 117 of Tempt
I’d never have the opportunity to experience it again, unless...
Unless what?
Unless I had the guts to admit I’d been wrong. To open a door that I’d closed long ago. To undo a decision I’d made out of fear and obstinacy, and give myself a chance at a new life.
My vision swam, and I felt light-headed. When I could see clearly again, I grabbed my keys and ran out the door.
Fifteen minutes later, I found myself knocking on Jackson’s door. One of his daughters answered it with a big smile on her face, which faded the second she saw me. “Oh, it’s you,” she said.
I had to laugh. “Sorry to disappoint.”
“I’m waiting for my ride. Come on in.” Then she yelled over her shoulder, “Dad! Mr. Barrett is here!”
I stepped into their foyer, and Jackson came jogging down the stairs. “Hey,” he said. “What’s going on?”
“I’m not sure.”
He reached the landing and studied my expression. “Come on, brother,” he said, throwing an arm around me. “Catherine is gone for the evening. Let’s have some scotch and talk it out.”
We went into the kitchen, and I took a seat at the island. After opening the bottle of scotch I’d gotten him for Christmas, he poured us each a couple fingers and set a glass in front of me. “Speak.”
I turned the glass on the stone counter without even taking a sip. “I think I made a mistake.”
“Zach, you didn’t. Sophie and Eden are fine.”
“That’s not what I mean.” I took a deep breath. “With Millie. I think ending things was a mistake.”
“Okay.” He leaned back against the counter across from me and took a sip of scotch.
“But when I think about what it would take to turn it around, I feel like I might pass out. It’s...so much.”
“Okay, let’s go piece by piece. How much of your decision to end things was about Mason?”
“Some.” I paused. “But I think I could talk to him. Get him to understand. I never felt right about keeping the truth from him anyway.”
“Okay, and how much was about what people would say, or small town gossip?”
I shrugged. “I don’t really care what people say, but I worry about Millie. If she could get past it, I could. People would probably find something else to talk about pretty fast.”
“I agree. So now the family issue. Would you consider surgery to reverse the vasectomy if it came to that? Or are you at least willing to have that conversation?”
I took a deep breath. “I would have that conversation.”
“Good. So now we go deep.” Taking a step toward me, he leaned against the island with both hands. “How much of this is about unpacking your baggage?”
I opened my mouth to argue once again that this wasn’t about the past, but as soon as I met his eyes, I closed it. Jackson knew me too well. “How do you get over it?” I asked him, because he’d suffered loss too.
“You don’t. You accept it and move on with your life. And you haven’t done that, Zach. Don’t even bring up that bullshit marriage to Kimberly—I know what that was. That was you trying to go through the motions without actually feeling the feelings.”
“I know,” I muttered, dropping my eyes to the marble. “I know.”
“Okay, so I have one more thing to ask you. You love this woman. And by the way, that’s not the question, because I already know you do. You love this woman. So how could you possibly trust that someone else would take care of her like you would, or keep her as safe?”
“I couldn’t,” I said, looking up at him again. “No one would ever take care of her like I could. The thought makes me sick.”
Jackson’s arms went out. “So what the fuck are you still doing in my kitchen?”
* * *
