Page 108 of Tempt
Afterward, we lay wrapped in each other’s arms, my head on his chest, loath to fall asleep and face the inevitable dawn of the day we’d have to part for good.
“I want to tell you something,” he said, breaking the silence.
“What?” I whispered.
“You once asked me why I got married. And I didn’t answer honestly.”
“Yes, you did. You said you didn’t want to be alone, so you thought you’d try it.”
“That wasn’t the whole truth.”
I picked up my head and looked at him, his features vague in the dark. “What’s the whole truth?”
He tucked my hair behind my ear. “I liked the idea that someone might...belong to me. That there was someone I had to protect and provide for. But I didn’t want to love anyone so much I couldn’t live without them. With her, that was never a danger. But with you...”
My heart stopped. “With me?”
“With you, it is. With you, it’s been a danger all along.”
Once again, the tears threatened to undo me. I put my head down again, listening to his heart beat while he held me close.
I love you too, I mouthed. But like him, I didn’t say the words aloud.
Maybe that would make it easier.
CHAPTER23
ZACH
In the morning, I woke up before Millie and called a car to take me to the airport. When it arrived, I texted the driver to give me one minute.
Slipping into her bedroom one last time, I bent down and kissed her forehead.
Her eyes opened. “Are you leaving?”
“Yes. The car is here.”
She propped herself up on one elbow. Beneath her beautiful brown eyes were dark circles. I knew she’d hardly slept. “Okay.”
“Take care of yourself, Millie MacAllister.” I straightened up, even though my body felt like caving in.
A tear slipped from the corner of one eye, and she nodded.
“Go after everything you want. You deserve it all,” I whispered, my voice caught somewhere in my throat.
“So do you,” she said. “Have a safe trip home.”
Home.
I thought about the word as I kissed her lips one last time, as I watched her eyes refill with tears, as I forced myself to walk away from her.
I thought about the word on the flight back to California, on the drive back to my apartment, as I walked through my front door.
I thought about the word as I went through the motions of my life—work, gym, sleep. As I ate meals for one while I hunted for episodes of Antiques Roadshow. As I fought the compulsion to pick up my phone and call her, just to hear her voice. As I stared at the empty corner of my apartment where a Christmas tree would have fit if I’d had the energy or motivation to go get one. But everything seemed empty without her.
Every day at work, I listened to my colleagues talk about plans for Christmas and New Year’s...family gatherings, fun vacations, letters to Santa, decorating the tree. Cards arrived in my mailbox from former Navy buddies showing off family photos—kids with gap-toothed grins, teenagers with acne and reluctant smiles, dogs wearing reindeer antlers. Surrounding me was so much togetherness, my life felt like solitary confinement in comparison.
I considered telling Mason I couldn’t come for Christmas after all, but he was so excited to see me again, I didn’t have the heart to let him down. I had no idea how I was going to get out of that Christmas Eve party, but I supposed I didn’t have to worry about it until I was there. A last-minute illness was probably the way to go.
