Page 16 of Wedding Games
The other women shrieked.
‘No,’ laughed Zoe. ‘Just no.’
‘And you’re going to wear a sash and an inflatable penis headband,’ said Sam.
‘Is that when we go to the “make-your-own nipple tassel” workshop?’ asked Valentina.
‘The what?’ Zoe screeched.
‘No,’ replied Fiona. ‘That’s for the nude “Paint and Play” party.’
‘WHAT?’
‘Oh, it’s so awesome,’ said Sam. ‘We get a strip show then decorate the naked men with body paint.’
‘In Inverness?’ Zoe asked, refusing to believe any of it.
‘Well,’ Fiona replied with a wink. ‘You just need to know where to look…’
That evening wasthe rehearsal dinner. It was an American custom designed to be an intimate and informal evening for the closest members of the bridal party before the wedding, and Zoe felt confident there were enough people present to keep her mother and Barbara from interacting.
However, to help ensure they stayed apart, Clive and his team had laid places at a rectangular dining table in the castle. Rory sat at one end, flanked by his mother and Brad, and Zoe at the other with her parents on either side of her. Between them were settings for Sam and Jamie, Fiona and Duncan, Valentina and Charlie, and Morag and Jim.
Sam, Jamie, Valentina, and Charlie were staying at the castle with Barbara and Brad. They all chatted amiably over drinks with Zoe and Rory in one of the reception rooms as they waited for the other guests to arrive.
Clive entered the room and caught Zoe’s eye. She met him by the door.
‘Everything okay?’ she whispered.
‘Your other guests have arrived,’ he said under his breath. ‘Although, there is a small problem.’
Prickles of panic ran across her skin. ‘What kind of problem?’
‘Why don’t you come with me.’
Zoe followed him through the corridors. She could hear the problem before she saw it.
Her mother and Morag were singing ‘Auld Lang Syne’ with the tonal accuracy and volume of football supporters, holding each other as they waltzed around the entrance hall.
Fiona was trying unsuccessfully to get them to quieten down, whilst Arnold, Jim, and Duncan stood by looking nervous and uncomfortable.
The women broke apart when they saw Zoe and rushed to embrace her.
‘Ma wee darling!’ her mother cried.
‘Ma daughter from another mother!’ Morag joined in.
Zoe checked if the fire extinguisher was to hand as the alcohol fumes hit her.
‘Mum! What the hell’s going on?’ she hissed.
Mary started giggling. ‘We, we—’ She bent over, snorting with laughter.
Morag tried to hold her up, but her grip slipped and they both tumbled to the floor, Morag farting as she hit the ground.
Arnold and Jim dashed to help as the women’s laughter became hysterical.
‘What the fuck happened?’ Zoe asked Fiona.
