Page 71 of The Hook Up
Popsicles.
The summer before his grandmother passed, she’d comforted him with a grape Popsicle every time his father failed to show for a scheduled visit. By the end of August, Ty’s mouth was stained purple and his eyes were bloodshot from crying.
Jesus.
He clenched the steering wheel harder.
“No problem.” Ty turned onto their shared street, grateful he’d have a few moments alone with Ellie. It would be easier that way.
The second he pulled up to Jason and Miriam’s place, Ellie hopped out. “I’ll be two seconds,” she said. “Come on, baby.”
“Wait,” Henry said. “I hafta say good night to Mr. Ty, right? I’m not gonna see him again.”
“Not tonight,” Ellie agreed, and Ty’s chest ached again. The seat belt felt too tight around it, so he unfastened the latch and got out of the car. Henry was already out of his seat, standing in the grass median beside the mailbox. He put a hand up, and Ty stooped down to hug him before realizing the kid just wanted a handshake.
You can’t even get that right, he told himself, hugging the kid tighter.
“Good night, kiddo,” he said. “Be good for your aunt and uncle.”
“Okay.” Henry pulled back and grinned up at him, eyes bright behind his smudged glasses. “And maybe tomorrow we can play soccer.”
A slick spear of ice slid between Ty’s ribs, and he lost his breath. “Maybe.”
With that, Ty added lying to a child to his list of crimes.
Ellie didn’t say much as they drove the few hundred feet to her front door. She kept glancing at him sideways, waiting for Ty to make the first move. He gathered their bags out of the trunk and followed her up the walk, trudging like a man headed to the execution chamber.
The second the door closed behind him, Ellie turned to face him. “I know you’re upset about your dad showing up like that,” she said. “Obviously it wasn’t ideal, but I want you to know I’m not offended or upset about?—”
“We need to break up.”
Ellie’s eyes flashed with surprise. The bags slid from Ty’s grip, making a dull thud in her entryway. He raked one hand through his hair, knowing he needed to rip the Band-Aid off quickly.
“I know we barely got started,” he said, struggling to explain. “But that’s why I think it’s important to end things fast. Before anyone gets too attached.”
“Before anyone gets too attached.” She stared at him, a mystified look on her face. “You think I’m not attached?”
“I knowI’mattached,” he said. “That’s the problem, Ellie. I care too much about you and Henry to ruin your lives.”
She blinked hard, and Ty wondered if she was struggling to hold back tears. His throat felt thick and tight, and he wasn’t sure how to fight back his own flood of emotion.
“I don’t understand,” she said. “How would you be ruining our lives?”
Ty clawed at his hair again, knowing this wouldn’t make sense to her. But he owed her an explanation, no matter how shitty it might be. “I grew up with the world’s worst father, Ellie. The rare times he came sweeping into my life, the only things he left behind were disappointment and bad habits.”
“I don’t see what that has to do with?—”
“Tonight, Ellie…it was so clear. That’s exactly what I’m bringing into your life. Into Henry’s life. Bad habits and regrets and the certainty that this whole thing will eventually blow up and leave an innocent kid sobbing into his pillow.”
Ellie stared. “You don’t think Henry will miss you if you walk away now?”
He shook his head, regretting the ripples of sadness that might trickle through the boy’s life over the next day or two. But how much harder would it be six months from now? Six years?
“It would be worse later. Trust me. Once he started counting on me. Or you did. Don’t you see?”
She stared at him a long moment, and Ty’s head throbbed. He wanted to take back every word he’d just said. To tell her he didn’t mean it, that he really did want to be with her.
That’ll only make it harder,he reminded himself.When this ends—and you know it’ll end—it’ll just be tougher then.
