Page 40 of When the Time Is Right
That was all I needed. Another man who was out of my reach. All right, that was super dramatic. Hudson wasn’t dead, just… I didn’t even know.
Not for me?
Out of my league?
Too important to lose?
If the feelings I was having ended up being real, there was little chance he’d reciprocate them. Then what?
There was only one thing for me to do. I’d have to wait it out, let it pass on its own. How long that would take, I had no clue.
What I did know was time couldn’t pass soon enough. The untimely flashes of attraction, the probably imaginary tension I’d been feeling, the way my body reacted to his touch, and how my heart raced lately when he texted or called or said my name out loud were almost too much.
It was totally fucking annoying and completely fucking unexpected. I didn’t want to feel like that.
I wanted everything to go back to normal. Deep down, with as much as things were changing and as fast, I knew our small group would never be normal again.
So, as I’d done many, many times before, I focused on the horizon and wished my troubles away.
I wasn’t insane, and it didn’t always work, but somehow, I usually felt better. There was only so long I could stand hiding from things, and even if I only revealed them to the ocean and the dawn, surely some of the weight would be off my shoulders.
And after an hour, when the sun was finally rising into the sky, I’d convinced myself I was done with the untimely and weird attraction I had to Hudson. It simply wasn’t a thing.
A few minutes later, I was gobsmacked with how fucking delusional that conclusion had been, because hearing only three words from him proved that nothing had gone away or changed.
“There you are,” he crooned, stepping off the boardwalk from the house. “I was sure I’d find you down here.” Wearing his trunks and a henley, barefoot, he kicked his way through the white sand to me.
“Busted,” I said, holding my hands up, not feeling quiet as spry as I usually came off. But shit, it was still early and I hadn’t had any coffee. There were plenty of hours left in the day for me and my bullshit. As far as I was concerned, it was my time and he’d just happened to stumble upon it.
He stretched, causing the bottom of his shirt’s tattered waffle fabric to inch higher up his chiseled stomach. Quickly, I turned my head and stared out to the ocean.
“Beautiful morning,” he said and looked both ways down the empty beach. “Your mom is up, making breakfast. Every kind of pancake you can think of.”
I smiled, remembering how Jack liked everything pancakes, just like me.
“You can tell her I’ll be up there in a bit. I’m gonna sit here for a little while longer.” I looked up at him and pulled my blowing hair to my other shoulder, out of the breeze.
Hudson scratched the back of his neck, glanced out into the water, and inhaled so much salty air that his chest swelled to twice its size. When his attention came back to me, he gently kicked my knee and said, “Scoot over.”
“What? No. You don’t have to stay. I’ll be right there.” I’d come to my spot on the beach to rid my fucking head of him. Sitting there on the sand together was the last thing I needed. “I sort of want to be alone.”
When I didn’t budge, he plopped down beside my blanket. “Tough shit, Kid.”
Without much thought, I snapped back. “Don’t call me that anymore, Hudson. I’m almost twenty-nine.” I’d always loved when he called me Kid, but now, it felt so wrong and gross.
He rocked into my shoulder with his. “No more Kid, huh? I always knew, when the time was right, you’d make me stop. I had a good run.” He chuckled. “Gonna be a hard habit to break.”
I tipped my head toward his and looked him dead in his devastating blue eyes. “Well, I don’t like it.”
“Good. That’s a start. What else? I know something has been on your mind. So keep talking.”
That was my biggest nightmare—and also what all the searches told me was the right thing to do yesterday when I Googled what do you do if you have feelings for a friend and how to handle wanting to fuck your brother’s bff and a dozen other ways to describe my problem. It didn’t matter though. Everything had one answer. Even the Reddit threads all said the same thing.
Talk to him.
Ideally, now would be the perfect time. It was quiet. I wasn’t already on his nerves for the day. We were alone. He was sitting beside me, demanding I spill my guts.
Yet I couldn’t.
“I’m fine,” I said and gazed back at the water. It was much easier than facing him. I also knew he wouldn’t give up until he was satisfied. So I added, “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but it’s nothing. I just wanted to enjoy the sunrise. That’s all.” I pulled my feet up and wrapped my arms around my legs.
