Page 41 of When the Time Is Right
“Hey. You don’t have to ball up and hide from me, Lex. I know you better than that.” He brushed my hair away from my face, and it gave me tingles and goose bumps. “Does this place make you miss him more?”
I didn’t want to do it. I hated it. Every emotion I had in front of someone always came back to this. Even if Brenden wasn’t the reason for how I was feeling, talking about him never failed to bring everything about losing him back.
My eyes began to sting, and I swiped a hot tear away with the cuff of my Spelman College hoodie. Then I swallowed, took a slow breath, and met his gaze. “Actually, I feel closer to him here.”
Hudson offered me a sympathetic grin. “I remember the first summer Brenden came with all of us. I was kind of jealous.”
My heart hammered. Jealous? Of Brenden? My boyfriend?
My back shot straight, an odd surge of hope hitting my veins. Had Hudson had the hots for me back in the day?
He huffed, recalling the memory. “It was before Lauren got pregnant the summer my mom died. I was like who is this new asshole moving in on my family.”
Damn. That made more sense.
“He wasn’t moving in on your family, Hud. You weren’t replaceable.”
“Back then, I didn’t know that. All I knew was there was this new kid who Cal thought was the coolest, your parents thought he’d hung the moon, and he had his hands all over you when the three of them weren’t looking. It was hard to deal with, okay?”
I remembered that week too.
It was the first time Brenden had vacationed with us, so Mom and Dad strongly urged us to sleep in separate rooms. Hudson had also chimed in how he thought it was a good idea and offered to share his room with Brenden. The memory of sneaking through the halls and waking Brenden without waking Hud was still vivid in my mind. I’d quietly opened the door and tossed M&Ms at my boyfriend until he woke up.
After all that, we still didn’t do anything my parents wouldn’t have approved of, but the thrill of doing anything in secret was enough. We laughed and talked and kissed all night long at the end of the boardwalk and snuck back inside before anyone woke up.
That was a good memory though and nothing to cry about.
“But you ended up liking him,” I said.
His face softened, and his brow relaxed. “I did. Is that why you’ve been—” Choosing his words, he ran a hand over his cleanly shaven chin. “Well, you’ve just seemed different this weekend.”
My breathing quickened like I was about to jump off the pier. I couldn’t just come out and tell him.
What if he laughed at me?
“I’m just working through some stuff.”
“Damn it, Lex. How can I help you if I don’t know what the problem is?” Typical Hudson.
Knowing he wasn’t going to give up, I stood and gathered my blanket. My peaceful, quiet morning was over. I was back to being the pain in the ass everyone expected. Otherwise, he was going to nag until I couldn’t take it anymore.
“You don’t have to help me. I didn’t ask for help.” I started to walk to the wooden planked path, but he caught hold of my arm.
“Wait.”
I shrugged out of his grip. “Stop. Would you please quit touching me?”
I froze, sure my words had come out too strongly. But it had been almost torture being around him half naked for the past day. Him with his broad shoulders and perfect tan. Strutting around, taller than everyone else. The way his board shorts hung on his hips. The bulge that need not be mentioned. His chest and stomach hot enough to make a nun break vows.
I’d hit my limit.
“Is that what this is about? Me touching you? You told me to forget about it. So I did cross a line?” He paced in the sand, scratching his hair. “Fuck. I’m sorry, Lex. I feel like an ass. You shouldn’t have to deal with that shit from anyone, least of all me.”
I felt guilty for hanging him out to dry. What he’d done wasn’t that bad, and then there was the other thing.
My chin tucked to my chest, I stared at a tuffet of grass and whispered, “I liked it, Hudson.”
His stomping around came to an immediate halt, and he dipped low to catch my eyes. Hudson’s were the size of the wheels on the Chevelle.
“What did you just say?” he asked slowly.
I swallowed my pride in the name of him not thinking he’d taken advantage of me, and then I nearly swallowed my tongue as I forced more words out of my mouth. “I said, I liked it.”
He leaned back and squinted, his jaw hanging open. “No fucking way,” he breathed. His reaction was all I needed to know about where he stood.
